Volunteering as a Dog Foster - Love It!!

Each year when the 'big' holidays roll around it becomes the Giving Season.  Not just gifts we buy or make for family and friends, but charitable giving too.  I like to believe that it's human nature for each of us to want to make a difference for the better. I also definitely believe that when you're doing something to improve another's life you end up gaining more than you give.  Volunteering is one of the most rewarding forms of giving and it comes in many forms.  Not quite two years ago, I started volunteering as a dog foster for Dogs XL Rescue.

The First Five Fosters

Every pet for my entire life has been a rescue.  When I was five my Mom and Dad brought home Sandy.  She was a beautiful Collie/Shepherd/Husky mix who was advertised in Laurel as "Free to a good home".   After Sandy, my Mom wanted my younger brother to have a dog so my family adopted Scooby-Doo, a Cock-a-poo who's father we strongly suspect might also have been her brother.  She was a great little dog who lived to be seventeen.  Then, as an adult I adopted Maggy and now I have Alby.  I adopted Alby from Dogs XL Rescue when he was about 10 weeks old.

Alby is a friendly dog who loves other dogs.  It's his friendliness and general happy nature that prompted me to make the call to Dogs XL to inquire about fostering.  You have to complete a screening process to become a foster - a conversation with the volunteer coordinator to understand why you want to be a foster and you can ask all your questions about being a foster.  There's a check with your vet to make sure your pets are all up to date on vaccinations and preventatives like flea and tick and heartworm.  Then, there's a home visit as a final check to make sure everything is a-ok. Which for me meant cleaning the heck out of my house!  Then you find out you passed!!  Sign this agreement and you can be a dog foster and then, yikes, they give you a dog!!

I drove to the address I was given and they sent me home with "Brue".  Timid Brue was about a year and a half old and he and Alby got along really well.  Brue was a husky, lab mix, with maybe some hound, with one brown and one blue eye.  Hence the name, Brue.  He was a total sweetheart and was at our house for maybe two and a half weeks before he got adopted.  In that short time period he became part of our lives.  Every morning when I let him out of his crate he went on the daily walk with Alby and I.  He raced around the house like mad playing with Alby.  I brought home two antlers, one for each of them and they lay side by side chewing them and sometimes trading.  I took selfies with Brue and posted them on my Facebook page.  A lot of my friends wondered if Brue might be a permanent resident at my house as I wouldn't be able to let him go.

One of the requirements to being a dog foster is taking your dog to an adoption event.  Brue and I went to one at a PetSmart in Glen Burnie after he'd been with us his first week.  Here's what I didn't know - if someone has been approved to adopt with the rescue they can come to an adoption event and take home a dog! What?!!  I wasn't ready to give up sweet Brue after only one week.  So, everyone that came over to meet him I would ask "Are you approved?".  I don't know what I'd do if they said yes.  Maybe grab Brue and run to the car yelling "NOT YET!!"  Luckily for me I didn't have to make that decision because no one who checked him out was approved.

Brue did meet his forever family at the event though.  A family of 6, Mom, Dad and four kids.  Two of the kids were teenage twin daughters and Brue was going to be their dog and sleep in their beds at night.  I really liked them and when they told me that when they went away they signed their Guinea Pig up for extra petting I said to Brue "Hey, that's your family!  I love them."  Brue's family put in an application for him that day and came to my house about a week and a half later to adopt him and take him home.  Brue is a super happy fellow and he is well loved and well taken care of.  Yes, I definitely cried after they left, but I was so happy for Brue and so happy for that family.  He was such a good fit for them and vice versa.  They have a fenced yard for him to run around in and someone is nearly always home to give him attention.  Brue is a snuggly and cuddly dog so it's easy to love him.

Alby and I had no foster for about a week, and then we brought home "The Dude".  Even more timid than Brue, it took him a week to move from room to room.  Like Brue, he got along great with Alby and he was fun to have around until he got adopted by another foster in the rescue.

Super Gus

All the dogs I've fostered have not been easy.  One of the things I've learned as a dog foster is how little I really know about dogs.  Alby was a semi-well trained dog but like every dog he has a few issues.  His main issue is that when we're out on walks he would like to catch fast moving objects like Motorcycles, bikes, runners.  I always say if its running or on wheels, motorized or otherwise, Alby would like to catch it.  When you're walking two dogs this can become an issue if the second dog decides they like Alby's idea to chase.  The dogs I foster are typically the same size that Alby is and he's 75 lbs. so when you have two dogs going berserk it becomes an issue.  Our last foster, Super Gus, decided chasing cars and everything else Alby chased was the way to go and I knew I had a problem.  Not only did I have two berserkers out on a walk, but it started to cause fights.  Nobody bit anybody, they mostly made one another very spitty, but if you'd been a witness you would have thought it was a vicious battle.

I contacted the rescue and we made other arrangements for Gus (who I am happy to say has since been adopted) and Alby and I headed back to school.  We signed up for Basic Obedience at Teclas's K-9 Training Academy.  The training wasn't cheap, but it was worth every penny and rescue dogs do receive a 5% discount.  Alby's chasing is now under control, and I have more tools for getting not just him, but the fosters who come through our house as well, to behave.  In order for me to be a foster, the foster dog has to fit into our routine.  I have a full time day job and I rarely work from home these days.  That morning walk is hugely important.

We have also fostered a very reactive dog.  A lot of times dogs are shut down when they get to a rescue.  They land in the shelter for various reasons.  They could have been a stray who experienced extreme abuse, or been abandoned by their family and been in the loud shelter for a while or even had a reactive mother.  This dog, who I loved very much, was like that - completely shut down.  As she lived with us though she started to come out of her shell.  She learned to trust me, and she learned to like Alby - he was very afraid of her in the beginning.  In the house with myself and Alby, she was wonderful.  She had a sweet and funny personality and was super affectionate.  Alby and I were the only ones who knew that though since she didn't trust anyone else.  I did have to put a muzzle on her when we went out on our walks - living in Columbia people do use the paths even in the very early morning hours and I couldn't take a chance that she'd bite someone.  She wasn't the kind of dog who went after someone, but rather if someone came into her space, that's when the trouble would start. Eventually this sweet dog went to California where someone could work with her to overcome her issues.  While she was with us though, I read a lot of books about dogs with behavioral issues.  One of the things I found that I thought worked really well was called Behavior Adjustment Training.  I used all of the techniques I read about in the book.  Unfortunately, rescues have very limited resources and this type of training can take up to a year.  Yes, I cried very hard when this dog left because I want only the best life for her and every dog that comes through my door.

If you foster with Dogs XL they cover all of the expenses for the dog.  Food, preventatives, visits to the vet - all are paid for in full by Dogs XL.   You are supposed to take your foster dog to at least two events each month if you can.  The majority of dogs meet their new family at an adoption event so these are very important.  The average time it takes one of our dogs to get adopted is two weeks. I've picked up my dog and gotten an email that night that an approved adopter wants to meet them and I've had dogs for several weeks before they get adopted.  I've been volunteering with the rescue long enough now that they trust me to help with transport - checking all the dogs in when they arrive in Baltimore before they head out to a foster home.  We have to make sure they get their preventatives and that they're microchipped.

Except for one time, I have never considered any of the fosters to be my dog.  I love them all.  It's

Mora

harder to see some go than others.  Alby has gotten along with the majority of them although I'd say his favorites are probably Brue and the reactive dog.  I know, that sounds crazy but the two of them were quite buddy buddy when she left and he definitely missed her after she was gone.  I fell in love with Mora who of course was only with me for a week, but I loved her from the moment I saw her picture. When she got to my house she climbed right up on my couch where dogs are not allowed and I didn't make her get down.  I got a look from Alby, "Hey!!  What's going on here?"  I really wanted to keep her but I just didn't see how I could work it out.  Saying good bye to Mora was extremely difficult and yes, I cried.  Her new pet Dad loves her very much too and she's doing well.  Of course, she's a great dog.

I've had a total of 13 fosters come through my house.  Alby and I have been on a bit of a break while we worked on his training issues, but we're going to be getting somebody new in January.  It was a hardship for the rescue when I had to take a break.  Rescues aren't just hurting for funds, they're also hurting for volunteers.  If you think you have it in you to volunteer with a rescue, then I strongly encourage you to do it.  Volunteering with rescue is not easy.  It can be heartbreaking, but it can also be rewarding.  I love it.  I hope to be a dog foster for quite a while and when I don't think I can handle fostering, I hope to do other jobs that the rescue needs help with.  Dogs XL is a wonderful organization and a lot of people have found their furry family member through them.  Dogs add so much to our lives that I think when you save a Dog's life, you're also saving a human's life.  Happy Giving Season!

Another Day, Another Shooter or General Attitudes Towards Women

On Friday afternoon I was watching my Twitter feed, sitting in my Mother's family room while she watched the local news on television.  I saw the headline before it came across the TV, an active shooter at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado.  Another day, another shooting and more innocent victims sheltering in place, seriously injured or murdered.  A first responder killed in the line of duty. Now that he's been arrested we're learning that the shooter had a history of domestic violence. Apparently as he was being arrested he yelled out "no more baby parts" and ranted about politics.

Every single time this happens, and it happens a lot (see this article in the LA Times from October for a timeline of shootings since 1984), I feel more and more frustrated that instead of diminishing it seems to happen more and more often. We're not untouched here as it wasn't that long ago that the Mall in Columbia had it's own active shooter event and many of us, if we weren't there, know someone who was there that day.

Friday's attack at Planned Parenthood was directed at women which reminded me of the battle in Congress to re-authorize the Violence Against Women Act in 2013.  Did you even know there was an International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women? It was November 25th.  I missed it too. My thoughts also wandered around to basic attitudes towards women and the ever increasing violent language used towards us, especially online.  If you're not familiar with Gamergate, here's Zoe Quinn explaining what it's like to be the most hated person online, mostly because she's a woman. If you want to know how people regard women online, just read the comments after they post or make their own comments.

To complete the curve of where my thoughts took me as I thought more and more about the shooter they went to the basic way women are treated on a daily basis by friends, family and co-workers, not just the cat calls and whistles when we're walking about or being told to 'smile', but the general disrespect we all encounter.  In my own family boys are preferred to girls.  My grandfather told my mother once "You're always happy with whatever you get, but a boy is special."  When my Dad called my Grammy back in 1976 to let her know the new baby was a boy she expressed relief that he wasn't another girl. I scored an excellent Dad and he was insulted since he thought my sister and I were pretty great. My Uncle told me once that he thought all the women he worked with who got promoted had slept their way to those jobs. Years ago as my Grandfather and his wife were leaving our house he handed my sister and I each a $20 bill and then handed my brother a $100 bill.  If you want to know where someone places their priorities, look at where they spend their money.

Until we pointed it out to them and they stopped, my sister and I would be in a deep discussion with her husband and my Dad would jump in and pretty soon we would be ignored while the two men carried on a discussion.  My Dad and my brother-in-law are very much feminists, but they were acting within socially accepted norms at the time.  Men get to talk and women don't.

This happens at work as well.  I've been the initiator of a meeting where a man has walked in and asked me to make copies of his handouts.  "I'm sorry, I can't, I'm running the meeting."  They look a bit taken aback.  My fellow female co-workers and I have numerous examples of meetings where the men just talk over the women as if they're not even in the room.  The message is quite clear - be quiet women.

Where am I going with all of this?  I think it's the very basics, the foundation for how we treat women that needs to change.  Some people like to shrug off political correctness, but that's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about changing attitudes not just using the right words.  What is the saying? Think globally but act locally?  That's what I want.  I want people to think about how they treat their Mom, their sister, their wife, their daughter and all the women in their lives.  It's not just men that I'm talking to here either.  I see women put down other women also.  Everything we do is a matter of degree.  In one house the father talks over the mother when she's speaking and people think that's a small thing, but if that's not so bad what is the degree up from that? Is that wrong? What is the message that the daughter gets when the father does this?  Do women count?  Do we get to have a voice and decide for ourselves who and what we'll be?  Or do we have to wait for others to be quiet before we're allowed to talk?  Should we raise our hands and wait to be recognized while men get to speak freely and 'own' the floor?

This subject is rich with possibilities and I could discuss the whole rape culture that we live in and the fact that we idolize women for how they look and not what they think, but others are better at that than I am and I think I've already made my point above.  How we treat girls and women on a daily basis matters to how we think of them in general.  Once women are seen as equals, and despite all we've achieved we're clearly not seen that way, then I think we'll start to see improvements in how we treat abusers of women.  It won't be acceptable to just drop charges.   We are beginning to see more and more attention being paid to how women are treated, including Jimmy Carter stating that mistreatment of women is the number one human rights abuse and Emma Watson's speech on gender equality and feminism at the UN.

There were a lot of red flags with this shooter, not only did he have a history of domestic violence, he seems to have been a Peeping Tom and animal abuser too.  Individuals who abuse animals are also very likely to abuse people.  The FBI has announced that it will begin tracking animal cruelty in 2016.    Animal abuse is a key indicator in domestic violence situations and should never be ignored. Let's not ignore women either.

Just Walking Around the Neighborhood

My dog Alby and I live in a tiny townhouse in Columbia.  It's just me and him and so we don't need a lot of space.  I could live in a much bigger house if I moved away from Columbia, but there are things about this place that I just can't find anywhere else and who wants to clean a huge house?  

Driving around the adjoining cities and neighborhoods to Columbia, I notice differences. Sure, there are some neighborhoods with interesting and beautiful homes and lovely lush lawns, but when I look closely there's usually something missing.  Walking paths and sidewalks.  It's truly the pathways around Columbia that keep me living here more than anything else.  I have lived in Columbia since my family moved here when I was five years old.  After graduating from High School I did spend some time away while I was in College and then when I got my first job with benefits I lived in Owings Mills for a year.  There is nothing like moving away to make you appreciate all that we have waiting outside our front door.

I can walk up the street where I live and within less than a tenth of a mile, I'm turning onto the Columbia pathway system that takes me nearly anywhere I want to go.  The pathways wind around houses, through the woods, next to creeks and around lakes and ponds.  Nearly every single day Alby and I take a walk on those paths.  We have several loops in our general area that we've worked out that provide a bit of variety.  Each loop is anywhere from three to four miles long.  As we walk along we see many of our neighbors out and about as well.  It's not just that we're outside getting exercise, but we're experiencing the neighborhood and we feel part of the community.  This is especially important for someone like me with no children or spouse.

I think you can sit inside your house glued to the television, electronic devices like laptops and iPads or even stuck in a book and lose a bit of life if you're not careful.  Of course there are more ways than just walking around to feel connected to your neighbors and the community, but I do think it's one of the best ways. I've never felt lonely or lost and I think one of the main reasons is the ease of getting outside.  I head out with Alby and my neighbors see me and I see them and we chat and catch up on life.  "How are your Mom and Dad doing?"  "How does Chris like the Air Force so far?"  "Are you guys hanging out with your Dad this weekend?" "Can I pet your dog?" "How is Grace doing on swim team?"

One of my best friends likes to come for a visit, go for a good walk with me on the pathways and then in warmer weather we sit on the back deck and drink a glass of wine when we get home.  It makes for a lovely afternoon.

Alby and I walk the path in all weather.  Yes, let me say that again.  We walk the path in all weather.  Rain, snow, wind....we're out and about and you really get to see the changes in the trees and the creeks when you do this.  One thing that keeps us off the path is ice because I will be the first to admit that I prefer walking to laying on my back and nursing broken bones.  Super cold and torrential downpours are challenging, but we still get out if only briefly.  However, we love to walk in the snow and if it's deep enough I'll put on my snow shoes while Alby runs along beside me.   I love walking right after a snowfall when it's bright and sunny and everything is crisp and beautiful out.  The paths are a winter wonderland following a snowfall.  In springtime the entire path is in bloom and throughout the summer it's a beautiful, leafy green.

Wildlife abounds in Columbia too. While we're walking we have come across Owls in trees, hawks, foxes, deer and even a wild turkey.  We see Cardinals and Bluebirds and other bird species.  We see baby ducks and geese in the ponds and the Blue Heron.  Turtles sleep on floating logs and other spots while Frogs croak until you get too close.

If you live in Columbia and you haven't checked out the path near your house, you're really missing out.  Get out there and enjoy the day and meet your neighbors along the way.  The pathways even have an app now!! Columbia Pathways App.

Thanks For Everything, You Were Wonderful

Four years ago on a dreary Saturday morning, I knew that I would be saying good-bye forever to my best friend.  Two weeks before she had stopped eating.  For some strange reason, it never registered with me that this was the beginning of the very end.  I know for a fact that when humans stop eating they have about two weeks to live so why wouldn't the same be true for dogs?  I called the vet and she said let her eat what she wants and if she eats it that's great.  She ate some, but mostly she had completely lost interest in eating.  She had given up on walks over the year too.  My Mom and I joked that she really just wanted to go on a 'mosey'.

Maggy

There were days over that last year when she went on regular, multi mile, walks.  Days when she went chasing after squirrels and bunnies.  Mostly though she'd act like she was enthusiastic about the walk and then about five minutes down the road she'd come to a complete stop and turn back towards home.  I would just turn around with her.  No sense making her walk if she didn't want to go.  

I adopted Maggy from the Baltimore Humane Society in 1998.  I was 33 and she was maybe 7 or 8 months old.  A lab/possibly beagle mix, she was housetrained and she knew sit, and that was pretty much it.  Over the next 13 and a half years the two of us were nearly inseparable.  Wherever I went, Maggy went with me.  When I drove to my sister's, I brought her along.  When I slept at my parents' house, Maggy slept there too.  She slept with me even when there wasn't enough room in the bed.  One year at Thanksgiving at my sister's house I scored an army cot as a guest bed.  There was barely room for me on the skinny frame, but Maggy would wait until I was settled and still, and then hop up on top of me and settle in.  If I shifted during the night, she'd hop off, wait for me to get settled again, and then hop back up on top of me.  Needless to say I didn't have the best night's sleep that night.

Maggy was a swimmer.  I am pretty certain she could smell the water before she saw it.  She was the kind of dog who would leap off the bank into the water.  She loved the water so much that it was sometimes hard to get her out even when she was exhausted.  Once a passing kayak picked her up and gave her a paddle over to the embankment.  The kayak turned back into the river and Maggy leapt off the embankment again.  I finally had to drag her out, dry her off and head back to the car. She slept the rest of the day.

Maggy could throw a ball.  That's right, she would throw a ball to you.  After swimming, chasing a tennis ball was probably her favorite thing.  She'd chase it wherever you threw it - and I was quite talented at tossing it into the odd bush as we walked along and into places where I was fairly certain we'd never get it back.  Once she'd retrieved the ball, or looked pleadingly at me to get it when she couldn't, she'd toss it back to you high enough that you could catch it in all of it's spitty glory and throw it again.

Like most dogs though, if you're lucky, she got very old.  The last night I knew what was happening. Maggy was restless and she was breathing hard, and she seemed disoriented.  I lay awake in bed listening to her breathing thinking if she'd just let go it would be fine.   I'd fall asleep and when I woke I wouldn't hear her and I'd turn on the light, but she wasn't in the room anymore.  I got up and found her in the corner of the kitchen staring at the wall.  It was cold and rainy outside, but she kept crying to go outside.  I look at a picture I took of her about a month before this night, and she's entirely white faced, and she's super skinny and I wonder to myself how I didn't know she was getting ready to say good-bye.

Maggy was suffering on that last night.  When I first got her I had made a promise, mostly to myself, but to Maggy as well that I would never let her suffer if it was in my power to stop it.  She did not die during the night and when I got up I looked up the hours for our vet.  They opened at 8 am and Maggy and I would be there.  I called and told them I thought I needed to put my dog down.  As I said it I was already starting to sob.  They said come on in.  I turned to Maggy, "It's okay Mags, it will all be over soon."  

I never for one minute doubted my decision.  If  you've ever had a dog for a best friend this won't seem odd, because I'm pretty sure Maggy had been telling me for two weeks, "Hey, I'm going to be leaving soon.  I love you, but I have to go."  The whole event was peaceful.  Our regular vet was out of town, but our favorite vet tech was there.  So, it wasn't all strangers.  Maggy lay in my lap and just peacefully left while I held her and cried and told her how much I loved her.  "Thanks for everything Maggy.  You were wonderful." I sobbed into her ear.  

Taking her to the vet hadn't been hard, but leaving without her was downright awful.  I had a giant, aching pit in my chest, and I couldn't stop crying.  I knew I'd be sad when Maggy died, but I didn't expect it to hurt nearly as much as it did.  Dogs integrate themselves into everything.  I talked to her like she was a person, and she responded by climbing into my heart and my life.  Maybe a year after she died I stumbled across the poem "Dogs Never Die".  If you've had an old dog who has died and you read it, you will cry.  Writing this, I've been crying a lot even though it's been four years now. That's just Maggy wagging her tail.

I did learn how to get on with life after Maggy, but that's a different post as you say in blogger lingo. That's a story about Alby.