This year I've learned a lot, like who are my really good friends, who I can count on and how to be accountable in return, and how to survive a layoff and find a new job. I've always known that I had enough stuff, but as I cleaned out my basement in September and assessed my surroundings I realized I had more than enough. I've been rethinking stuff in general over the last few years and with the holiday season now in full swing, this is a good time to focus on gift giving and what makes sense for family and friends.
When my two oldest nephews were young they were gifted with a lot of family who gave them a lot of presents on Christmas and Birthdays. One Christmas I remember thinking that they had so much stuff they couldn't see straight and they had no idea who gave them what. I didn't want a present I'd put a lot of thought in to just be thrown on a pile and forgotten about. I didn't want to be known as the Aunt who just handed out presents. At that moment I decided that I wouldn't spend money on toys for them anymore, instead I'd spend time.
Time is a limited resource. It will never be replenished and its the most precious gift that we can give. My oldest nephew was turning four and he and his Mom and Dad would be in town for Christmas. His gift was a sleepover at my house with a movie and popcorn and the next day we drove to Liberty Mountain, took a ski lesson and spent the day outside skiing and having a great time. Since then our adventures have included a day in DC visiting the Spy Museum and China Town, movie nights and adventure parks and when he was twelve, a road trip in California. I've done the same for his younger brother. It's meant lasting memories that we fondly talk about when we're together. They're older now and more interested in spending time with their friends than hanging out with their Aunt, but we have those moments together that I hold close in my heart and I know they do too.
My Mom and Dad are challenging to buy gifts for and have been for a while. They're in their early 80s and they don't need anything. Which I think is true for most people who are lucky enough to have a good job and food on the table no matter what your age. I also stopped buying them regular gifts and started purchasing tickets instead. Tickets to a Christmas concert to hear the Canadian Brass, a subscription to Toby's Dinner Theater and dinner at a favorite restaurant are at the top of the list of gifts that I've given them. We're lucky to have such high quality, entertaining productions coming out of Toby's and it's so family friendly - for both young kids and seniors - that we go at least once every year. My first theater experience as a young child was seeing Guys and Dolls at Toby's for my birthday and it's something I remember to this day.
Spending time as a gift doesn't have to be expensive and there are so many ways to do it. From sitting down to read to a small child, cooking holiday recipes in the kitchen together to driving around to see Christmas lights, there are so many ways to give the gift of time. A hike in a nearby park with friends and pets, an afternoon at the movies or hosting a holiday party - these are the things people will remember for years with a smile on their face.
Volunteering is one of the best ways to make a difference for those who might not be as lucky as you and it's another thing you can do with friends and family. Remember that at this time of year there are plenty of volunteers, but once the holidays are over is when a lot of non-profits can really use the help. If you check out Volunteer Match they can help you find a good opportunity that aligns with your interests.
No matter what you decide to give as presents though, don't forget yourself. Give yourself the gift of your time to do something you've been thinking about for a long time. Even if it's just getting a good night's sleep, you're important too and no less deserving of your time than anyone else.
Saturday, November 30, 2019
Friday, October 25, 2019
What Real Help Looks Like to a Job Searcher
From my last post you know that my job was eliminated in January of this year. Now that I'm fully employed again I want to share what it means to really help someone who is looking for a job - whether they've been let go or are fully employed and searching out new opportunities. The reason I want to share is because while today you may enjoy full employment, you may one day need this kind of help. Helping others in their search is the best way to help yourself.
Most important, don't ask someone who has been let go how their job search is going. When you're busy looking for a job you have no idea how it's going until you actually land an interview and then get a job offer. Until that happens all you know is you're doing what you've been told works and keeping at it until something happens. It's a lot like fishing and when you're out there everyday and not getting any bites it gets stressful. Instead, ask them how you can help and then be prepared to follow through with that help.
One of my favorite people and a good friend said "I can't wait to help you!" when she found out about my job loss. We would meet for lunch every couple of weeks and I'd talk about what I was doing, who I'd networked with, and where I'd submitted resumes. She gave me my first real opportunity with another friend of hers who had an opening that was a good fit for me. She would ask me questions "Did you follow up with...." and "Have you talked to....". I really looked forward to meeting up with her and now that I have a job I miss our meetups!
Another friend messaged me on Facebook with a job opening at his company. This was super helpful and I really appreciated it. I wasn't a good match for the job but he was actively keeping an eye out at his company for opportunities, and probably not just for me, but for all of his friends looking for a job.
To be the most helpful you need to keep an eye out for the opportunities available at the company where you work. Are they a good match for your friend(s) who is looking? If there's an opportunity, do you know the hiring manager? Do you know the internal HR Recruiter? Can you find out the salary range for the opportunity? If your friend wants to pursue this opportunity are you willing to walk their resume to these people and put in a good word for them? Several years ago I had a contractor working for me who wanted a permanent position. I didn't have an immediate opening in my department and I felt this person was too good to see her walk out the door. I had seen a job on the company career site in another area that was a great match for her. She was definitely interested and after finding out all of the information and sharing with her, she decided to apply. I emailed the hiring manager with a letter of recommendation and attached her resume. She got the job and a large part of that was just getting her in front of the hiring manager so she could showcase her skills.
The most challenging part of job searching is getting a human being to physically look at your resume. When you apply for a job on a company website these days its going through an ATS (Applicant Tracking System) and a program using an algorithm is sorting through the resumes submitted matching key words from the job description to them. If you haven't done a good job tailoring your resume for that job you aren't going to come up as a match for the position and you're not going to get an interview let alone a call. That's why it matters who you know.
The next thing you can do to help someone searching for a job is to think of all the people you know and where they work. The job searcher might be looking at a job at a particular company and you know someone there who can help get their resume in front of the hiring manager. Arranging introductions to who you know is extremely helpful. I introduce people using multiple methods - the messaging features on LinkedIn and Facebook help with people you might not run into or talk to all that often. I reach out and ask if I can introduce them and if they say yes I send a message to both folks with the introduction. Then the job searcher and the contact can figure out how to meet up and share information. This is a mini-interview for the job searcher because they're now asking a new acquaintance to clear a path to the hiring manager.
The job searcher has to do their part of course - getting their resume together, actively searching company websites for current opportunities, and then following through on meetups when they've been introduced, but you are one of their best resources in the job search. They need your help.
If you're the person who has just been introduced to a job searcher, you've been given the opportunity to pay it forward for any help you've had in previous or current job searches. You can make a huge difference for someone in the job hunt and now that you know them, do all the things I just described above.
Most important, don't ask someone who has been let go how their job search is going. When you're busy looking for a job you have no idea how it's going until you actually land an interview and then get a job offer. Until that happens all you know is you're doing what you've been told works and keeping at it until something happens. It's a lot like fishing and when you're out there everyday and not getting any bites it gets stressful. Instead, ask them how you can help and then be prepared to follow through with that help.
One of my favorite people and a good friend said "I can't wait to help you!" when she found out about my job loss. We would meet for lunch every couple of weeks and I'd talk about what I was doing, who I'd networked with, and where I'd submitted resumes. She gave me my first real opportunity with another friend of hers who had an opening that was a good fit for me. She would ask me questions "Did you follow up with...." and "Have you talked to....". I really looked forward to meeting up with her and now that I have a job I miss our meetups!
Another friend messaged me on Facebook with a job opening at his company. This was super helpful and I really appreciated it. I wasn't a good match for the job but he was actively keeping an eye out at his company for opportunities, and probably not just for me, but for all of his friends looking for a job.
To be the most helpful you need to keep an eye out for the opportunities available at the company where you work. Are they a good match for your friend(s) who is looking? If there's an opportunity, do you know the hiring manager? Do you know the internal HR Recruiter? Can you find out the salary range for the opportunity? If your friend wants to pursue this opportunity are you willing to walk their resume to these people and put in a good word for them? Several years ago I had a contractor working for me who wanted a permanent position. I didn't have an immediate opening in my department and I felt this person was too good to see her walk out the door. I had seen a job on the company career site in another area that was a great match for her. She was definitely interested and after finding out all of the information and sharing with her, she decided to apply. I emailed the hiring manager with a letter of recommendation and attached her resume. She got the job and a large part of that was just getting her in front of the hiring manager so she could showcase her skills.
The most challenging part of job searching is getting a human being to physically look at your resume. When you apply for a job on a company website these days its going through an ATS (Applicant Tracking System) and a program using an algorithm is sorting through the resumes submitted matching key words from the job description to them. If you haven't done a good job tailoring your resume for that job you aren't going to come up as a match for the position and you're not going to get an interview let alone a call. That's why it matters who you know.
The next thing you can do to help someone searching for a job is to think of all the people you know and where they work. The job searcher might be looking at a job at a particular company and you know someone there who can help get their resume in front of the hiring manager. Arranging introductions to who you know is extremely helpful. I introduce people using multiple methods - the messaging features on LinkedIn and Facebook help with people you might not run into or talk to all that often. I reach out and ask if I can introduce them and if they say yes I send a message to both folks with the introduction. Then the job searcher and the contact can figure out how to meet up and share information. This is a mini-interview for the job searcher because they're now asking a new acquaintance to clear a path to the hiring manager.
The job searcher has to do their part of course - getting their resume together, actively searching company websites for current opportunities, and then following through on meetups when they've been introduced, but you are one of their best resources in the job search. They need your help.
If you're the person who has just been introduced to a job searcher, you've been given the opportunity to pay it forward for any help you've had in previous or current job searches. You can make a huge difference for someone in the job hunt and now that you know them, do all the things I just described above.
Wednesday, October 2, 2019
My Job Was Eliminated And I'm Fine
Last December I wrote a post about potentially being involved in a lay-off at my company. Well the band-aid was ripped off in January when my job was eliminated. I've been having a really interesting year since it happened and I've been writing about it, but I haven't been ready to post publicly. The good news is I have a job. I'm also working with some friends who were let go on the same day I was and we're thinking of putting our experience in to a book. We think people might find it helpful.
What I want you to know though is if your job is eliminated don't go through it all by yourself. Reach out to your family and friends and tell everyone what's happened. You will need their help and the help of many more people as you figure out "Now what?". That includes me. I will help anybody. I've been there and I will help.
I haven't given up on blogging, I just have to figure out how to mix it back in with everything else I'm trying to do these days.
What I want you to know though is if your job is eliminated don't go through it all by yourself. Reach out to your family and friends and tell everyone what's happened. You will need their help and the help of many more people as you figure out "Now what?". That includes me. I will help anybody. I've been there and I will help.
I haven't given up on blogging, I just have to figure out how to mix it back in with everything else I'm trying to do these days.
Friday, December 7, 2018
Am I Getting Let Go? What Do I Do?
We're going through some big changes at the company where I work and everyone is nervous. Information on future plans is hard to come by so speculation is running rampant and most people are thinking lay offs. Ugh! Nothing more stressful than thinking you're going to lose your job, especially in the middle of the holidays.
I've worked at this company for nearly 30 years. It's a solid, well respected company, a good place to work and I like my coworkers. The thought of being in my early fifties and suddenly having to search for a new job is scary. I'm close enough to retirement that I'm starting to plan for what I'll be doing but far enough away that I can't stop working if those plans are going to be fulfilled. It's not just about being on a permanent vacation either - it's considering how I'll pay for healthcare, prescription drugs or what I'll do if I need assistance for every day living.
About a month or so ago I noted this feeling of dread that I was going to face 'permanent separation' as HR refers to it, come January. It's a feeling of total loss of control over your circumstances. Once I realized that I just wanted to be the one making the decisions, I started to do some research. My company has a Severance Plan. I checked to see what someone in my position would receive. Due to my length of service, I get a respectable amount of Severance - I get paid for a set number of weeks after I'm let go that includes my health benefits. The company would no longer contribute to my 401k, but I'd still have medical, dental and vision coverage during the Severance period. That's one big worry taken care of.
Next, I checked to see what laws might be out there to protect me and what the protections include. I'm a woman, I'm in my early fifties and I'm retirement eligible in another year and a half (you have to be 55 and have worked for the company for 10 years to be retirement eligible). I came across the Age Discrimination in Employment Act and the Older Workers Benefit Protection Act of 1990 which detail what is required by employers including how much notice you should receive prior to a layoff and your rights regarding signing waivers. I looked up applying for Unemployment Benefits in the State of Maryland.
Following that I thought, how do I make the most of my time on severance? I came up with a plan for my days - still getting up at the same time Monday through Friday. Walking my dogs at the same time I always do. Then, instead of going to the office after I shower, spending my day job hunting. That includes things like networking - having lunch with people I know who work at companies where I might like to work. Going to professional meet-ups for Project Managers and other groups so that I can get the word out that I'm looking. In other words, my new full time job is finding a new full time job and it has the same hours as the old job and I have to work just as hard at it.
I plan to take advantage of my severance to also do things I can't do right now - like go on a bike ride during the day or a swim. Getting fit was on my high priority list. If I'm going to be stressed because I'm out of work, it seems like exercise might help with that. Also, I feel like fitter, happier people might have an edge with employers. Exercising leaves me in a good mood. I sleep better, I eat better and I have a better outlook. I'll need all the positive energy I can get.
Last, I decided that I would create a one page document - front and back if need be - that I keep with me at all times. It's something I can grab when HR shows up at my office and I know this is it. The information on that page is what I learned from the laws I read and a checklist of things I should ask about when I'm going through the separation process and before I sign anything.
Now that I've gone through this whole exercise I actually feel more in control. I still don't want to get let go, but if it happens I'm ready and I know what my plan is. Happy Holidays.
I've worked at this company for nearly 30 years. It's a solid, well respected company, a good place to work and I like my coworkers. The thought of being in my early fifties and suddenly having to search for a new job is scary. I'm close enough to retirement that I'm starting to plan for what I'll be doing but far enough away that I can't stop working if those plans are going to be fulfilled. It's not just about being on a permanent vacation either - it's considering how I'll pay for healthcare, prescription drugs or what I'll do if I need assistance for every day living.
About a month or so ago I noted this feeling of dread that I was going to face 'permanent separation' as HR refers to it, come January. It's a feeling of total loss of control over your circumstances. Once I realized that I just wanted to be the one making the decisions, I started to do some research. My company has a Severance Plan. I checked to see what someone in my position would receive. Due to my length of service, I get a respectable amount of Severance - I get paid for a set number of weeks after I'm let go that includes my health benefits. The company would no longer contribute to my 401k, but I'd still have medical, dental and vision coverage during the Severance period. That's one big worry taken care of.
Next, I checked to see what laws might be out there to protect me and what the protections include. I'm a woman, I'm in my early fifties and I'm retirement eligible in another year and a half (you have to be 55 and have worked for the company for 10 years to be retirement eligible). I came across the Age Discrimination in Employment Act and the Older Workers Benefit Protection Act of 1990 which detail what is required by employers including how much notice you should receive prior to a layoff and your rights regarding signing waivers. I looked up applying for Unemployment Benefits in the State of Maryland.
Following that I thought, how do I make the most of my time on severance? I came up with a plan for my days - still getting up at the same time Monday through Friday. Walking my dogs at the same time I always do. Then, instead of going to the office after I shower, spending my day job hunting. That includes things like networking - having lunch with people I know who work at companies where I might like to work. Going to professional meet-ups for Project Managers and other groups so that I can get the word out that I'm looking. In other words, my new full time job is finding a new full time job and it has the same hours as the old job and I have to work just as hard at it.
I plan to take advantage of my severance to also do things I can't do right now - like go on a bike ride during the day or a swim. Getting fit was on my high priority list. If I'm going to be stressed because I'm out of work, it seems like exercise might help with that. Also, I feel like fitter, happier people might have an edge with employers. Exercising leaves me in a good mood. I sleep better, I eat better and I have a better outlook. I'll need all the positive energy I can get.
Last, I decided that I would create a one page document - front and back if need be - that I keep with me at all times. It's something I can grab when HR shows up at my office and I know this is it. The information on that page is what I learned from the laws I read and a checklist of things I should ask about when I'm going through the separation process and before I sign anything.
Now that I've gone through this whole exercise I actually feel more in control. I still don't want to get let go, but if it happens I'm ready and I know what my plan is. Happy Holidays.
Sunday, November 11, 2018
Veteran's Day - Never Forget
Today is Veteran's Day, a time when we all take a moment to recall November 11, 1918 when the guns of war fell silent on distant shores and ushered in a turbulent peace with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles in June the following year. Much of what we've experienced in the 100 years since then has been a direct result of that war, that treaty. From World War II to Vietnam and the Middle East, many conflicts owe their origins to a lack of foresight by the leaders in the room on that day. Harsh punishments against Germany and doors shut in people's faces who would later take the world stage such as Ho Chi Minh, were the seeds of future wars.
Today we thank our soldiers for their service and we say to them never forget. What does never forget mean though? It seems like today its only words, uttered to make us feel okay with not really thinking about what we're asking our young citizens, mostly from blue collar, lower income and poor families, to sacrifice. Often times the military for them is a way to step up the financial staircase to make a better life - to get to college and a decent paying job that lets them actually pursue the happiness many of us take for granted. Many of them come home broken, physically and emotionally, with injuries that may never heal.
World War I was a miserable war. It unleashed chemical weapons like mustard gas and it was one of the deadliest wars ever. It's estimated that 16 million people died in that war with around 37 million casualties - military and civilian combined.
We owe it to our soldiers to never forget. The casualties of today's wars are tomorrow's enemies that we then send our sons and daughters off to fight. With the ending of the draft many Americans have been able to ignore wars and those fighting them and to pay lip service with bumper stickers and empty words that demand nothing from us. It's easy to support a war when your kid, your Mom and Dad, aren't off fighting in it.
Never forget means knowing how your elected officials vote when it comes to war and why. Never forget means holding the Congress accountable and not allowing them to hand a President a blank check to make war. Never forget means our active duty military are paid well and have health care benefits for themselves and their families. Never forget means honest, comprehensive debate about the rationale for and the consequences of any war before we send a single soldier off to fight. Never forget means demanding the VA is fully funded to take care of our soldiers and veterans, and not just their physical injuries but their emotional ones as well. Never forget means there should not be a single homeless veteran in this country. Never forget means educating yourself and writing letters, calling and attending town halls of your elected representatives to ensure they're passing legislation to protect and provide for our veterans and active duty military. Never forget means showing up to vote. Until we do all this, they're just meaningless words.
Lastly, thank you for your service Dad, Grandpa, Uncle Al, Uncle Bud, Uncle Don, Uncle Nich, and Patrick.
Today we thank our soldiers for their service and we say to them never forget. What does never forget mean though? It seems like today its only words, uttered to make us feel okay with not really thinking about what we're asking our young citizens, mostly from blue collar, lower income and poor families, to sacrifice. Often times the military for them is a way to step up the financial staircase to make a better life - to get to college and a decent paying job that lets them actually pursue the happiness many of us take for granted. Many of them come home broken, physically and emotionally, with injuries that may never heal.
World War I was a miserable war. It unleashed chemical weapons like mustard gas and it was one of the deadliest wars ever. It's estimated that 16 million people died in that war with around 37 million casualties - military and civilian combined.
We owe it to our soldiers to never forget. The casualties of today's wars are tomorrow's enemies that we then send our sons and daughters off to fight. With the ending of the draft many Americans have been able to ignore wars and those fighting them and to pay lip service with bumper stickers and empty words that demand nothing from us. It's easy to support a war when your kid, your Mom and Dad, aren't off fighting in it.
Never forget means knowing how your elected officials vote when it comes to war and why. Never forget means holding the Congress accountable and not allowing them to hand a President a blank check to make war. Never forget means our active duty military are paid well and have health care benefits for themselves and their families. Never forget means honest, comprehensive debate about the rationale for and the consequences of any war before we send a single soldier off to fight. Never forget means demanding the VA is fully funded to take care of our soldiers and veterans, and not just their physical injuries but their emotional ones as well. Never forget means there should not be a single homeless veteran in this country. Never forget means educating yourself and writing letters, calling and attending town halls of your elected representatives to ensure they're passing legislation to protect and provide for our veterans and active duty military. Never forget means showing up to vote. Until we do all this, they're just meaningless words.
Lastly, thank you for your service Dad, Grandpa, Uncle Al, Uncle Bud, Uncle Don, Uncle Nich, and Patrick.
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
What Happened to Halloween?
I'm sitting here in my living room awaiting the Treaters. I have time to post a blog because there are hardly any out there. In years past I've purchased the big bag of candy with Nerds and Sweet Tarts and all the tooth decaying sugar that kids love, only to be left with half of it. I've bought the lollipops, that I then brought to the office to fatten up my coworkers. I've had the Monster Mash playing on the stereo and I've purchased Dracula teeth to hand out with the candy. I have a lot of Dracula teeth left over. The kids who did come around loved them, but there weren't that many.
I loved Halloween as a kid. I started out very young in a homemade costume my Dad came up with - pillows strapped around my waist to give me girth, I wore a pair of his Bermuda shorts and one of his shirts, a fishing hat and clown makeup. I was a hit! Clown was very popular in our house, but we also wore the store bought costumes with the plastic masks. Every year my little brother was some form of Ninja. We've been ghosts and aliens and washer women. As an older kid I dressed up to head to Georgetown or Fells Point with a bunch of friends. Now as a mature adult I love being the one to hand out the candy.
When I was a kid I remember waiting for my Dad to come home from work to help us with our costumes. Neighborhood kids would already be starting to come around and my Mom was handing out candy and still we weren't out there!! The whole neighborhood would be out, gangs of kids with bags and pillowcases full of candy. It was not unusual for my Mom to run out of candy some years because there were so many Treaters out. My sister and I were always so proud of ourselves when we treated every single house in our neighborhood.
I don't know what happened to Trick or Treating. I don't know why only a few kids come around. I'm glad they do. This year I bought the big candy bars because well, when there's only a few I can afford to go big. A hefty reward to the kids who are still carrying on the tradition.
Boo!
When I was a kid I remember waiting for my Dad to come home from work to help us with our costumes. Neighborhood kids would already be starting to come around and my Mom was handing out candy and still we weren't out there!! The whole neighborhood would be out, gangs of kids with bags and pillowcases full of candy. It was not unusual for my Mom to run out of candy some years because there were so many Treaters out. My sister and I were always so proud of ourselves when we treated every single house in our neighborhood.
I don't know what happened to Trick or Treating. I don't know why only a few kids come around. I'm glad they do. This year I bought the big candy bars because well, when there's only a few I can afford to go big. A hefty reward to the kids who are still carrying on the tradition.
Boo!
Sunday, October 7, 2018
What Future Do We Want?
Sometimes someone tells a story about themselves or an event and everyone around them reacts as if they've been judged. "Our team is doing great work!" Well, so is my team. "People are being mean to me!" Wait, I'm not being mean to you. "White people are racist", wait a second, I'm not a racist. "Black Lives Matter!" Wait, don't all lives matter? And so on and so on.
These past few weeks I've heard folks screaming about due process and worrying that their sons will be falsely accused of sexual assault, that past infractions could come out of the blue to take their sons down. All of these responses obfuscate what is actually happening - they derail us with their perceived, potential victimhood from talking about real issues that in most instances are life altering, and even life threatening. That the main issue we are arguing this week, and almost every week, is about progress.
That's right, progress. Do we halt progress in its tracks, or do we push it forward and closer to the ideals embodied in our Constitution that we claim we are trying to live by? At the end of the day, isn't that what American exceptionalism is all about? Not that we've achieved everything already, but that we believe in the ideals embodied in the US Constitution, despite the fact that even as they were written down that the men doing the writing were not living up to the standard they espoused?
I am disappointed but not surprised by the confirmation of Judge Kavanaugh to the United States Supreme Court. His appointment, like Gorsuch's before him, sets us back decades on the road of progress. As did the election of the man who appointed both of them. Progress is scary to a lot of people, and so they went with not just what they knew, but what they feel serves them best. Fear of progress is what has lead America to dismantle the New Deal, weaken environmental regulations, undercut unions and the voting rights act, prevent women from enjoying full autonomy of their persons - and not just in reproduction, but apparently daily life as well, and to embrace corporations as people with money acting as their version of free speech and silencing the rest of us.
I am hopeful that next month's elections will bring some turnaround to all this, but I would suggest that we can no longer just vote and hope for the best. I'm excited by the number of people participating in peaceful protests, starting with the anti-Muslim ban and showing up at airports around the country, to teachers showing up in state capitols and demanding higher pay and better resources, to the women protesting at the Senate hearings for Judge Kavanaugh. We can no longer take for granted what we've achieved, every day we need to tend to the care and feeding of that progress to keep ourselves moving forward. Voting is our number one duty, but following our elected representatives as they vote on important issues, writing and calling them to let them know where we stand and how we wish them to act, is also critically important.
Remember this, no election is unimportant and every vote your elected representatives take once in office is just as important as yours on election day. Prepare yourself for what you can do - read, listen, write, call, attend town halls, join a political club, donate to the candidates who most closely represent what you want, and vote. Get to the polls to vote or fill out an absentee ballot. Get your friends to do the same. Put up yard signs, get a bumper sticker, volunteer to phone bank or write postcards for your candidate. Get out and knock on a few doors. Whatever you do, don't sit by yourself and lose hope. The future is ours, we just need to demand it back.
Friday, August 3, 2018
Overwhelming Sadness Cured or How I Learned to Relax and Save the World
This is not a post about depression, but it could be. It seems these days that everywhere we turn the problems we thought we were solving are now worse than ever. From policies that separate children from parents that do irreparable damage, to knowing that folks in Flint, Michigan still don't have clean drinking water and the global war machine, it feels like a nightmare from which we might never wake up. And then I started reading the New York Times long piece on how we missed our best opportunity to halt climate change. It's just too much. The feelings of despair are real and I wonder every single day how I can make a difference in my small piece of the world or will I just be crushed by this feeling of utter helplessness?
Enter Ralph Nader. For those of you who just rolled your eyes let me point something out to you about Ralph that you might not know - when you get compensated by an airline when they bump you from a flight either in flight vouchers or cash he's the one you can thank. He successfully sued Allegheny Airlines in 1972 when he was bumped from a confirmed flight and now the airlines have to compensate us. He's always fighting for the average person to be treated fairly by the powerful.
In August 2016 Ralph Nader released his book, Breaking Through Power, that offers real solutions to big problems. Have you got 6 hours a week to volunteer? Turns out you can change the world. I read this book at the start of summer and it's my go to when I think the world is ending. In the book Ralph lists organizations that are doing the hard work of changing the world, but they need us and our 6 hours a week.
Breaking Through Power is a short read, and I won't try to recreate it here, but I highly recommend spending a few hours with it and then deciding where you want to spend your six hours of volunteering each week so we can save the world.
Enter Ralph Nader. For those of you who just rolled your eyes let me point something out to you about Ralph that you might not know - when you get compensated by an airline when they bump you from a flight either in flight vouchers or cash he's the one you can thank. He successfully sued Allegheny Airlines in 1972 when he was bumped from a confirmed flight and now the airlines have to compensate us. He's always fighting for the average person to be treated fairly by the powerful.
In August 2016 Ralph Nader released his book, Breaking Through Power, that offers real solutions to big problems. Have you got 6 hours a week to volunteer? Turns out you can change the world. I read this book at the start of summer and it's my go to when I think the world is ending. In the book Ralph lists organizations that are doing the hard work of changing the world, but they need us and our 6 hours a week.
Breaking Through Power is a short read, and I won't try to recreate it here, but I highly recommend spending a few hours with it and then deciding where you want to spend your six hours of volunteering each week so we can save the world.
Friday, April 13, 2018
I Don't Want to Quit Facebook
One Sunday a month I get together with a group of friends, some of whom I've known since Kindergarten, to have breakfast. When we graduated from High School in the early 1980s Facebook did not exist. We all went off to college, or joined the military or went to work and we lost track of one another. I coached soccer locally in Columbia for several years and ran in to one or two of them on the soccer pitch as they watched their kids play, but mostly I didn't know what any of them were up to.
I have cousins who are more than ten years older and more than then years younger than I am. We all grew up in different states and we just don't see each other all that much unless there's a funeral or a wedding. Growing up we saw a lot more of one another as we traveled to visit grandparents and great aunts and uncles. Once that older generation moved on though, the visits were less and less as we all had very busy lives at home with siblings getting married and children arriving. We prioritized immediate family over cousins.
Then one day we all found each other on Facebook. Joining Facebook was one reconnection after another - friends and family we'd lost touch with were all there. We were posting pictures of our kids, our vacations, and our family celebration. We found out some of us lived pretty close to one another having moved out of state and we reconnected. You're going to be in California? Let me know when and we'll get together for dinner. You're coming back East? Let us know and we'll have a mini reunion.
All of this reconnection was brought to us by Facebook. That monthly breakfast would never have happened if not for Facebook. I stay connected with new friends via Facebook. The dog rescue I volunteer with uses Facebook to broadcast adoption events and fundraisers. I personally manage a Facebook page that is community oriented and connects people via their pets. I belong to local political clubs that communicate events and other activities via Facebook.
I'm also one of those people who likes to share and discuss politics with some of my friends via Facebook. I've joined some Facebook groups that are a walk down memory lane, creating even more connections sometimes with people who grew up near me but I never knew until Facebook.
A while back I wrote a post about privacy and the information we unwittingly share when we're online. I'm not here to defend Facebook for its transgressions. They're not the only ones using us to make a buck though. I feel like the horse is already out of the barn on this one, my data is out there and there's not a lot I can do about that. I do think Congress and State legislatures though can pass some laws regulating transparency so that you know exactly what you're giving up when you use Facebook.
I am also willing to pay for Facebook. At this point there are so many users that if we each paid $1 a month Facebook could rake in $2.13 billion for that month. I feel like they could sustain their business on that, and then some. Maybe they could start a scholarship fund with the excess and send kids to college. Just a suggestion.
I'm not going to quit Facebook. I like being connected with all these folks and I don't want to lose that and I don't see a viable alternative.
I am also willing to pay for Facebook. At this point there are so many users that if we each paid $1 a month Facebook could rake in $2.13 billion for that month. I feel like they could sustain their business on that, and then some. Maybe they could start a scholarship fund with the excess and send kids to college. Just a suggestion.
I'm not going to quit Facebook. I like being connected with all these folks and I don't want to lose that and I don't see a viable alternative.
Saturday, March 24, 2018
You Marched, Now Go Vote
I haven't posted anything in a long while and that's mostly because I've spent the past year putting my money where my mouth is. I joined several local political groups including, the Women's Democratic Alliance of Howard County and the Ellicott City and Western Howard County Democratic Club. I've spent several Saturdays knocking on doors for Dan Medinger who is running for the Maryland House of Delegates in 9B.
I spent today in Washington, D.C. attending the March for Our Lives. One of my first real world memories is of the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr and Robert F Kennedy when I was three years old. These were big events in my house and happened as we were making a big move overseas, lodging them in my young memory. If the song "Abraham, Martin and John" comes on the radio it always makes me cry.
I'm now back home from the march and watching some of the coverage on television and MSNBC announced a crowd estimate of around 800,000. The speakers at the march, all kids, did an incredible job and I think this may be just the wakeup call we need. The kids chant that "Enough is Enough" is right on. The crowd also chanted "Vote Them Out!!" in between speakers and therein lies the key to making change happen if we really want it.
In 1994 the Clinton administration signed the Assault Weapons Ban and that fall the Congress flipped. People who are against laws that limit gun ownership in any shape or form turned out to vote. Similarly at the State level, politicians who vote for any kind of limitation on gun ownership get voted out of office. Gun owners are single issue voters and they turn out to vote.
The rest of us have been willing to accept a mixed bag of support on issues we care deeply about as long as the person we voted for was a member of the party we aligned ourselves with. We can no longer afford to do that. We need to vote for people who will fight for the issues we care about no matter what side of the aisle they sit on and including third party candidates.
We can no longer afford to sit out primaries because that's where we can really make our voices heard first. We must find out who is running and what they stand for - and that means not just watching political ads or looking at party affiliation, but reading about candidates in local newspapers and going to meet them and talk to them. The local political clubs have been holding candidate forums and they've been getting a big turnout. These are real chances to talk to your candidates and find out where they stand and why. At a picnic last Labor Day I asked a gubernatorial candidate where he stood on universal health care and his answer was not what I wanted to hear and so he doesn't have my vote in the primaries coming up in June. Candidates are also holding events themselves and sharing that information on various political pages on Facebook and elsewhere. Take the time to find out what they stand for, and don't be afraid to ask them tough questions.
It's also imperative to work for the candidate you want to get elected. From knocking on doors or working the elections (I'll be working the early voting days) every little bit helps. And of course, if no candidate matches up to what you want, then maybe its time to think about running yourself.
Voting has always been important, but maybe finally we're understanding just how important it actually is. We need to be laser focused on the issues we care most about and we need to turn out to vote for the people who will fight for those issues. Our lives depend on it.
I spent today in Washington, D.C. attending the March for Our Lives. One of my first real world memories is of the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr and Robert F Kennedy when I was three years old. These were big events in my house and happened as we were making a big move overseas, lodging them in my young memory. If the song "Abraham, Martin and John" comes on the radio it always makes me cry.
I'm now back home from the march and watching some of the coverage on television and MSNBC announced a crowd estimate of around 800,000. The speakers at the march, all kids, did an incredible job and I think this may be just the wakeup call we need. The kids chant that "Enough is Enough" is right on. The crowd also chanted "Vote Them Out!!" in between speakers and therein lies the key to making change happen if we really want it.
In 1994 the Clinton administration signed the Assault Weapons Ban and that fall the Congress flipped. People who are against laws that limit gun ownership in any shape or form turned out to vote. Similarly at the State level, politicians who vote for any kind of limitation on gun ownership get voted out of office. Gun owners are single issue voters and they turn out to vote.
The rest of us have been willing to accept a mixed bag of support on issues we care deeply about as long as the person we voted for was a member of the party we aligned ourselves with. We can no longer afford to do that. We need to vote for people who will fight for the issues we care about no matter what side of the aisle they sit on and including third party candidates.
We can no longer afford to sit out primaries because that's where we can really make our voices heard first. We must find out who is running and what they stand for - and that means not just watching political ads or looking at party affiliation, but reading about candidates in local newspapers and going to meet them and talk to them. The local political clubs have been holding candidate forums and they've been getting a big turnout. These are real chances to talk to your candidates and find out where they stand and why. At a picnic last Labor Day I asked a gubernatorial candidate where he stood on universal health care and his answer was not what I wanted to hear and so he doesn't have my vote in the primaries coming up in June. Candidates are also holding events themselves and sharing that information on various political pages on Facebook and elsewhere. Take the time to find out what they stand for, and don't be afraid to ask them tough questions.
It's also imperative to work for the candidate you want to get elected. From knocking on doors or working the elections (I'll be working the early voting days) every little bit helps. And of course, if no candidate matches up to what you want, then maybe its time to think about running yourself.
Voting has always been important, but maybe finally we're understanding just how important it actually is. We need to be laser focused on the issues we care most about and we need to turn out to vote for the people who will fight for those issues. Our lives depend on it.
Friday, August 4, 2017
It's Always America First
When did I first start to realize that America wasn't perfect? I knew that there had been slavery from a very young age and that a great man, Abraham Lincoln had put a stop to it. I also knew that in my lifetime black people weren't being treated well and were fighting for their civil rights. I remember the nightly news covering the Vietnam War and all of the demonstrations against it. I watched Watergate - reality tv for my generation. I knew that the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) was really important but that states weren't ratifying this amendment to the Constitution. On the one hand I lived in a country that was awesome and on the other hand we had all these things that we needed to address.
I love my country. I always have and I always will. I don't love my government. These days I think a lot of folks have mistaken love of country with love of party which equates to a love for their form of government. In addition, the reality on the ground does not match the perceptions that people have about our country.
Last November the country voted for America First without really understanding that it's always been America first, until now. Everything we've ever done has been to promote the interests of the United States. Whether its the amount of money we spend on foreign aid, the wars we fight or the immigrants we welcome in to our country, it's always about putting ourselves and our interests ahead of everyone else. If we compromise, it's to further our interests.
The administration we have now though is reacting to perceptions that have long been held and don't again, match with the facts. Getting people to actually understand these facts and to believe them is going to be a heavy lift. We have establishment news organizations who get stories wrong regularly and who also pay pundits who have a definite agenda to come on their shows and espouse their views without telling us about these hidden agendas. Our new reality is that we have a President who believes in the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones puts forwards and so do many of his supporters.
We believe so many things that aren't true such as Americans have the best healthcare in the world. We don't. We pay twice as much as other developed nations and we're not as healthy and we don't live as long. We think immigrants are stealing our jobs and depressing our wages. They're not. In fact immigration is a boost to the economy that not only benefits the immigrant but those of us living here already. We want to give up on public education and even pursuing a college degree as if those things haven't been critical to advancing America's agenda. How can you be first if everyone is a ditch digger? I mean no disrespect to ditch diggers, they work very hard for their money, but if that's the only job everyone qualifies for then we don't make medical, scientific and technological advances. We'd never have put a man on the moon or stopped the spread of disease.
We've abdicated our leadership in the world and we're allowing China to step in to fill the void. This will make negotiating in our best interests much more challenging. We're now staring down the massive impacts from climate change that include not only land loss but famine and disease. Do we want to let others solve these problems for us while we look on from the outside?
When I was younger I thought Americans could do anything. We were smart, we were savvy, we were problem solvers and innovators. Nowadays, I'm not so sure we still have that in us. If we stay on our current path of "America First" we will wake up one day to find that we are last.
I love my country. I always have and I always will. I don't love my government. These days I think a lot of folks have mistaken love of country with love of party which equates to a love for their form of government. In addition, the reality on the ground does not match the perceptions that people have about our country.
Last November the country voted for America First without really understanding that it's always been America first, until now. Everything we've ever done has been to promote the interests of the United States. Whether its the amount of money we spend on foreign aid, the wars we fight or the immigrants we welcome in to our country, it's always about putting ourselves and our interests ahead of everyone else. If we compromise, it's to further our interests.
The administration we have now though is reacting to perceptions that have long been held and don't again, match with the facts. Getting people to actually understand these facts and to believe them is going to be a heavy lift. We have establishment news organizations who get stories wrong regularly and who also pay pundits who have a definite agenda to come on their shows and espouse their views without telling us about these hidden agendas. Our new reality is that we have a President who believes in the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones puts forwards and so do many of his supporters.
We believe so many things that aren't true such as Americans have the best healthcare in the world. We don't. We pay twice as much as other developed nations and we're not as healthy and we don't live as long. We think immigrants are stealing our jobs and depressing our wages. They're not. In fact immigration is a boost to the economy that not only benefits the immigrant but those of us living here already. We want to give up on public education and even pursuing a college degree as if those things haven't been critical to advancing America's agenda. How can you be first if everyone is a ditch digger? I mean no disrespect to ditch diggers, they work very hard for their money, but if that's the only job everyone qualifies for then we don't make medical, scientific and technological advances. We'd never have put a man on the moon or stopped the spread of disease.
We've abdicated our leadership in the world and we're allowing China to step in to fill the void. This will make negotiating in our best interests much more challenging. We're now staring down the massive impacts from climate change that include not only land loss but famine and disease. Do we want to let others solve these problems for us while we look on from the outside?
When I was younger I thought Americans could do anything. We were smart, we were savvy, we were problem solvers and innovators. Nowadays, I'm not so sure we still have that in us. If we stay on our current path of "America First" we will wake up one day to find that we are last.
Sunday, July 9, 2017
Take A Moment to Read and Hopefully React
I'll let someone else do the talking for me today. Hopefully you'll take the time to read this post from Friday 7/7 and react: Village Green/Town2
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
It's July 4th! The Holiday Without a Lecture Meme on Facebook!
It seems these days that every single holiday has a lecture meme that someone will post on Facebook or Twitter designed to tell you that you're not doing the holiday right. Except, not so much on July 4th. Sure, you'll see the "Keep Pets Safe" memes, and don't forget "Vets Don't Like Loud Fireworks" either memes, but nothing that lets you know that people died so you could have your tasteless barbecue!! Look at you, out there having fun and buying stuff at sales when you're supposed to be doing what someone else thinks you should be doing!!
My Dad's birthday typically falls on Memorial Day weekend, and sometimes right on the holiday itself, and this year he turned 80. We had a big family cookout to celebrate and I shared some pictures on Facebook for friends and out of town relatives. Then I got a few comments that people had died so we could celebrate. WHAT? Enough already.
From the shop or don't shop memes at Thanksgiving and the Merry Christmas arguments it feels like someone wants to attack someone else for how they celebrate each and every holiday and so they post their righteousness passive aggressively on social media. And, holiday or not, I feel like everyone, including me, post the passive aggressive memes. It's easy to see something and say "Yeah!! That's exactly what I think!!" and hit the share button. I still don't understand how people are leaving kids and pets in hot cars when there's a total meme scream going on with that one. How can you not know?
On July 4th though, that just doesn't happen. Having a barbecue? Like!! Love!! Oh, you're at the beach this weekend? Like!! Love!! While Memorial Day is the kickoff to summer, July 4th cements it in place. We're making plans for July 4th and asking each other about those plans and excited about each other's plans. Today is the day we really enjoy our freedom and that's the way it should be.
Me, I've walked dogs early to beat the heat and then I'm headed to the pool with a friend and then burgers at my parents' house to end the day. I hope you have a safe and fun July 4th and enjoy the lecture meme free holiday!
My Dad's birthday typically falls on Memorial Day weekend, and sometimes right on the holiday itself, and this year he turned 80. We had a big family cookout to celebrate and I shared some pictures on Facebook for friends and out of town relatives. Then I got a few comments that people had died so we could celebrate. WHAT? Enough already.
From the shop or don't shop memes at Thanksgiving and the Merry Christmas arguments it feels like someone wants to attack someone else for how they celebrate each and every holiday and so they post their righteousness passive aggressively on social media. And, holiday or not, I feel like everyone, including me, post the passive aggressive memes. It's easy to see something and say "Yeah!! That's exactly what I think!!" and hit the share button. I still don't understand how people are leaving kids and pets in hot cars when there's a total meme scream going on with that one. How can you not know?
On July 4th though, that just doesn't happen. Having a barbecue? Like!! Love!! Oh, you're at the beach this weekend? Like!! Love!! While Memorial Day is the kickoff to summer, July 4th cements it in place. We're making plans for July 4th and asking each other about those plans and excited about each other's plans. Today is the day we really enjoy our freedom and that's the way it should be.
Me, I've walked dogs early to beat the heat and then I'm headed to the pool with a friend and then burgers at my parents' house to end the day. I hope you have a safe and fun July 4th and enjoy the lecture meme free holiday!
Friday, June 16, 2017
All By Myself
I'm leaving this weekend to go on vacation. I'm heading to California wine country to bike, hike and taste. I've signed up for a group trip where I am the only one who signed up, so it will just be me and the guide. My sister and I usually take trips together but last fall she told me she couldn't this year and so I thought, be brave, go on vacation by yourself. Every trip we've ever been on has always had at least one woman traveling all by herself and they always fit in with the group and they always have a good time, so I thought, why not me too?
I have flown all the way to Europe on my own to meet my sister or a cousin for traveling. It's kind of fun to land in Florence and know your sister's plane will be landing at any minute. This entitles you to say things like, "I'm meeting my sister in Florence in a week" and impress your friends with how worldly you are.
For the past few years my job has been challenging and so my sister has been the one to really pay attention to what our plans are. Since she moved back to the East Coast eight years ago I drive up to her house and we fly together. As long as my suitcase is packed and I get to her house on time, it's all good. This year however, it's just me. I need to know which hotels I'm staying in, and pay attention to the itinerary and get myself to the airport and back in time.
I hear you out there "Grow Up Lady!! Sheesh, people travel alone all the time!" Right, I know that. I'm a grown up, I can do this. It's just that it's the first time. I don't even have a young nephew with me to bounce my questions off "Did you see my sea pass?" "No, but maybe it's with mine" "What? You can't find yours either? Shoot, let's ransack the cabin again..."
I'm excited but I'm also a little nervous. The company I purchased the trip with always make sure their clients have a wonderful time so I think it's going to be great. It's just that, well, I'll be all by myself. I'm about to find out if I like traveling all by myself. If I do, I will definitely be going on more trips like this. I'm not even going to consider the alternative. Glass half full, right? Right!
I have flown all the way to Europe on my own to meet my sister or a cousin for traveling. It's kind of fun to land in Florence and know your sister's plane will be landing at any minute. This entitles you to say things like, "I'm meeting my sister in Florence in a week" and impress your friends with how worldly you are.
For the past few years my job has been challenging and so my sister has been the one to really pay attention to what our plans are. Since she moved back to the East Coast eight years ago I drive up to her house and we fly together. As long as my suitcase is packed and I get to her house on time, it's all good. This year however, it's just me. I need to know which hotels I'm staying in, and pay attention to the itinerary and get myself to the airport and back in time.
I hear you out there "Grow Up Lady!! Sheesh, people travel alone all the time!" Right, I know that. I'm a grown up, I can do this. It's just that it's the first time. I don't even have a young nephew with me to bounce my questions off "Did you see my sea pass?" "No, but maybe it's with mine" "What? You can't find yours either? Shoot, let's ransack the cabin again..."
I'm excited but I'm also a little nervous. The company I purchased the trip with always make sure their clients have a wonderful time so I think it's going to be great. It's just that, well, I'll be all by myself. I'm about to find out if I like traveling all by myself. If I do, I will definitely be going on more trips like this. I'm not even going to consider the alternative. Glass half full, right? Right!
Friday, June 9, 2017
Want to Save a Life?
As many of you know, I'm a dog foster. Several years ago I reached out to Dogs XL Rescue who I had adopted Alby from, to see what it would take to volunteer as a foster. All rescues are desperate for volunteers and so they called me back almost immediately. Right now Dogs XL Rescue is looking for people to become fosters. This is your chance to save a life by becoming a foster. Without fosters, rescues can't pull dogs from shelters because they have no where to go.
The screening process for new fosters is very simple, a phone call with a foster coordinator to talk about your lifestyle, where you live, and how many pets already live in your home kicks everything off. A call by the rescue to your vet to ensure all your resident pets are up to date on vaccinations and monthly preventatives (heartworm and flea/tick) followed by a home visit and you're up and running as a dog foster.
Dogs XL Rescue works incredibly hard to ensure that all of its dogs not only are adopted by the right family, but that they're matched up well with their foster before they get adopted. For example, if you have a cat, your foster dog will be cat friendly. Do you have small children? Your foster dog will be appropriate for small children. I live in a tiny townhouse without a fenced yard so all my fosters need to get along well not only with Alby, my only resident pet, but they also need to do well on daily walks. My townhouse also backs to a playground that is very active and kids ranging from toddler to teen race by my deck on their way to the swings and jungle gym. Therefore, my foster needs to be pretty kid friendly even though there are no kids in my house.
Our fosters live in all kinds of homes - apartments, townhouses, small and large single family homes, farms, on the water, in the city and in the suburbs. Some of our fosters have fenced yards and some don't. Some of our fosters don't have their own dog, they just love fostering. And some of our fosters have several dogs and cats and human babies. Some of our fosters work full time and some are retired. Some work from home and some head off to the office each day. In other words, there are very few restrictions to becoming a foster.
My number one rule for fostering has always been that it has to be okay with Alby. We had one dog that kept picking at Alby until he couldn't take it anymore. I called the rescue and we made arrangements for that guy to go somewhere else. The rescue can't always turn on a dime, but they are incredibly responsive and work hard to place dogs where they will do well.
The optimal situation for all of our dogs is that they be in a foster home until they are adopted. Unfortunately though because we're always short on fosters that sometimes means that we have to put dogs in to boarding. Our boarding partners are wonderful, Tecla's K-9 Academy and Dogtopia, and our dogs can be very happy there for short periods of time. Some dogs require a dog savvy owner though and it takes a little longer to find just the right person to adopt them and if there's no foster, they can end up in boarding for a longer time. While it's still better than a shelter situation, it's not great. Like I said, a foster home and eventually a permanent home are best.
We're a rescue so while we get awesome dogs, some of them do have special needs. Some dogs just aren't appropriate for a home with small children, or they can't be with cats or in rare cases they need to be an only dog. Remember, we don't like all people and some dogs don't like other dogs. We work incredibly hard to match the right dog with the right home. We're looking to make a lifetime commitment for that dog so that when they're adopted they're going to the home they'll be in for the rest of their lives.
Dogs XL Rescue pays for all food, preventatives and veterinary care while the dogs are being fostered. They supply the foster with a crate as well. There are also dog trainers who volunteer with the rescue to answer any questions around behavior and provide extra support to fosters who are new to rescue. In addition, when you're heading out on vacation, the rescue will arrange for a temp foster while you're out of town if your foster dog hasn't been adopted yet.
On average Dogs XL dogs are adopted within 2 weeks of arriving at the rescue. Some, like our puppies, are adopted almost as soon as we greet them for the first time, and some of our older dogs can be with the rescue a little longer.
Nothing is more rewarding than watching your foster dog head off with their new family. Yes, you love them and yes, you'll miss them, but knowing that they're one of the luckiest dogs on earth is a very happy feeling. So many dogs never make it out of the shelter. Dogs who get picked up by a rescue have hit the jackpot. The likelihood of them living an awesome life for the rest of their days is now very high.
If you've ever thought you'd get too attached and just couldn't give the dog up, I would say that at the end of the day the rewards of having saved a life and given so much joy not just to the dog, but to the family that adopted that dog as well, make it a lot easier to say good bye. Do some of our dogs end up getting adopted by their fosters? Yes. Have I considered adopting some of my fosters? Absolutely. Then I get an email from the adopters talking about how much they love their new dog, and how well the dog is fitting in to their family and that just makes me over the moon happy. Then I get an email from the rescue asking me if I'm ready to take on a new foster and I start looking forward to helping save the next life.
If you are a dog lover and have ever thought you wanted to make a difference, I would encourage you to click on the links I've embedded throughout this post for Dogs XL Rescue and consider volunteering as a Dog Foster. We'd love to have you and we and the dogs really need you in our life.
The screening process for new fosters is very simple, a phone call with a foster coordinator to talk about your lifestyle, where you live, and how many pets already live in your home kicks everything off. A call by the rescue to your vet to ensure all your resident pets are up to date on vaccinations and monthly preventatives (heartworm and flea/tick) followed by a home visit and you're up and running as a dog foster.
Dogs XL Rescue works incredibly hard to ensure that all of its dogs not only are adopted by the right family, but that they're matched up well with their foster before they get adopted. For example, if you have a cat, your foster dog will be cat friendly. Do you have small children? Your foster dog will be appropriate for small children. I live in a tiny townhouse without a fenced yard so all my fosters need to get along well not only with Alby, my only resident pet, but they also need to do well on daily walks. My townhouse also backs to a playground that is very active and kids ranging from toddler to teen race by my deck on their way to the swings and jungle gym. Therefore, my foster needs to be pretty kid friendly even though there are no kids in my house.
Our fosters live in all kinds of homes - apartments, townhouses, small and large single family homes, farms, on the water, in the city and in the suburbs. Some of our fosters have fenced yards and some don't. Some of our fosters don't have their own dog, they just love fostering. And some of our fosters have several dogs and cats and human babies. Some of our fosters work full time and some are retired. Some work from home and some head off to the office each day. In other words, there are very few restrictions to becoming a foster.
My number one rule for fostering has always been that it has to be okay with Alby. We had one dog that kept picking at Alby until he couldn't take it anymore. I called the rescue and we made arrangements for that guy to go somewhere else. The rescue can't always turn on a dime, but they are incredibly responsive and work hard to place dogs where they will do well.
The optimal situation for all of our dogs is that they be in a foster home until they are adopted. Unfortunately though because we're always short on fosters that sometimes means that we have to put dogs in to boarding. Our boarding partners are wonderful, Tecla's K-9 Academy and Dogtopia, and our dogs can be very happy there for short periods of time. Some dogs require a dog savvy owner though and it takes a little longer to find just the right person to adopt them and if there's no foster, they can end up in boarding for a longer time. While it's still better than a shelter situation, it's not great. Like I said, a foster home and eventually a permanent home are best.
We're a rescue so while we get awesome dogs, some of them do have special needs. Some dogs just aren't appropriate for a home with small children, or they can't be with cats or in rare cases they need to be an only dog. Remember, we don't like all people and some dogs don't like other dogs. We work incredibly hard to match the right dog with the right home. We're looking to make a lifetime commitment for that dog so that when they're adopted they're going to the home they'll be in for the rest of their lives.
Dogs XL Rescue pays for all food, preventatives and veterinary care while the dogs are being fostered. They supply the foster with a crate as well. There are also dog trainers who volunteer with the rescue to answer any questions around behavior and provide extra support to fosters who are new to rescue. In addition, when you're heading out on vacation, the rescue will arrange for a temp foster while you're out of town if your foster dog hasn't been adopted yet.
On average Dogs XL dogs are adopted within 2 weeks of arriving at the rescue. Some, like our puppies, are adopted almost as soon as we greet them for the first time, and some of our older dogs can be with the rescue a little longer.
Nothing is more rewarding than watching your foster dog head off with their new family. Yes, you love them and yes, you'll miss them, but knowing that they're one of the luckiest dogs on earth is a very happy feeling. So many dogs never make it out of the shelter. Dogs who get picked up by a rescue have hit the jackpot. The likelihood of them living an awesome life for the rest of their days is now very high.
If you've ever thought you'd get too attached and just couldn't give the dog up, I would say that at the end of the day the rewards of having saved a life and given so much joy not just to the dog, but to the family that adopted that dog as well, make it a lot easier to say good bye. Do some of our dogs end up getting adopted by their fosters? Yes. Have I considered adopting some of my fosters? Absolutely. Then I get an email from the adopters talking about how much they love their new dog, and how well the dog is fitting in to their family and that just makes me over the moon happy. Then I get an email from the rescue asking me if I'm ready to take on a new foster and I start looking forward to helping save the next life.
If you are a dog lover and have ever thought you wanted to make a difference, I would encourage you to click on the links I've embedded throughout this post for Dogs XL Rescue and consider volunteering as a Dog Foster. We'd love to have you and we and the dogs really need you in our life.
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Horrific, Awful, Nightmarish....
Updated 6/8 below
It was misting last Tuesday morning when I headed out for my morning walk with Alby. Another grey day to add to the many we've already had in May. I checked email on my work phone when I got back to see a message indicating that a coworker had died unexpectedly. The opening paragraph about his final days set off my radar that maybe he had died in some sort of freak accident, but there were no details. I don't want to use his real name in order to protect his family so I'll call him Ward since I don't know anyone with that name.
Ward had been arrested for possessing child pornography, his mug shot and arrest details appeared in his local paper and a few days later he took his own life.
Never in a million years would I have had any inkling he'd do something like this. Ward and I were not close. His office was down the hall from mine and we spoke some times about sports like soccer, or just in general office banter if we happened to land in the same meeting. Ward was a nice looking man, clean cut, smart and hard working. All week everyone in the office has been in a bit of a shock. How do we reconcile the man we knew with what he did?
Yesterday I binge watched "The Keepers" on Netflix. Once I started I couldn't turn it off. Unlike the movie "Spotlight" which came out in 2015, "The Keepers" goes in to more detail regarding the abuse that was suffered by the young women at Archbishop Keough. When I was finished watching I had a need to know more, see if there were any updates, and find out if Brother Bob had been identified. I started reading Tom Nugent's articles on Inside Baltimore. Nugent is a former reporter for the Baltimore Sun and he's written extensively on the Sister Cathy murder.
I may have read too much. If the young women at Archbishop Keough were living in a nightmare, the kids at the Catholic Middle School in Locust Point were living in hell on earth. I won't share the details, you can go ahead and read Nugent's articles on your own. When I was done I felt like throwing up.
I'm not Catholic, I'm not even a religious person, but I'm furious with an institution where so many of my friends and relatives claim a membership. Just like I was furious for the Penn State cover up a few years back. What kind of a world are we living in where young, innocent victims are sacrificed so readily? Over the years I've read the stories of the lifelong trauma victims of abuse suffer. Some of them are able to live fairly normal lives as adults and confront what happened to them, refusing to let the abuser have anymore power. Some though turn to alcohol, drugs and even suicide. They feel guilty for something that was never their fault, that was done to them, that they never asked for. They were just kids doing kid stuff when someone started them on this hellish journey.
"The Keepers" provides details that one of the abuser Priests had kept records of his victims, including photographs of half naked young girls. I wonder if Ward realized when he was buying his online child porn the nightmare that the kids in the photograph were living in? I'm not saying Ward looked at the Priest's pictures, but he did look at someone's.
When my Mom sent my brother off to nursery school in 1980 she told him that no one was ever allowed to touch him, ever, without his permission. At Show & Tell on the first day the kids were asked if anyone had anything they wanted to share. My brother stood up, "No one can touch your penis without your permission." We get a family laugh out of it, but what my Mother did was uber important. She also told him that if anyone tried to do that he needed to tell her immediately, no matter what. I don't think parents prior to that had any idea they should be sending their kids off to school with that warning.
When I was coaching soccer about 12 years ago, several parents always hung around to help out. Good. Never leave your kid unattended with an adult for long periods of time. If a parent was late picking a kid up after practice I never offered the kid a ride home. Instead, we'd sit waiting by the parking lot in plain sight until the parent finally showed. The kids all had cell phones by then too so they always called the late parent to find out where they were. Don't be the parent who picks their kid up late from practice. As a matter of fact, don't be the parent who picks your kid up late ever from anywhere. Especially in the evening when places are closing up and your kid might be all alone and easy prey.
I hope one day the Catholic Church, Penn State and other institutions who have protected themselves over their victims, come to realize and openly acknowledge the harm they've done. I hope that the survivors and their families find the peace they are seeking.
UPDATE 6/8
For anyone interested in gaining additional understanding on what's happening with the investigation in to the murder of Sister Cathy Cesnik, I suggest joining the Facebook group page, The Keepers Official Group - Justice for Catherine Cesnik and Joyce Malecki. On the sex abuse scandals of the Catholic Church, Alex Gibney's 2012 HBO documentary, Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God is very well done. Finally, Richard Sipe who is referenced in the movie Spotlight, and appears in The Keepers, also has his own web page discussing much of his research and linking to others who have been trying to get the church to do what's right.
It was misting last Tuesday morning when I headed out for my morning walk with Alby. Another grey day to add to the many we've already had in May. I checked email on my work phone when I got back to see a message indicating that a coworker had died unexpectedly. The opening paragraph about his final days set off my radar that maybe he had died in some sort of freak accident, but there were no details. I don't want to use his real name in order to protect his family so I'll call him Ward since I don't know anyone with that name.
Ward had been arrested for possessing child pornography, his mug shot and arrest details appeared in his local paper and a few days later he took his own life.
Never in a million years would I have had any inkling he'd do something like this. Ward and I were not close. His office was down the hall from mine and we spoke some times about sports like soccer, or just in general office banter if we happened to land in the same meeting. Ward was a nice looking man, clean cut, smart and hard working. All week everyone in the office has been in a bit of a shock. How do we reconcile the man we knew with what he did?
Yesterday I binge watched "The Keepers" on Netflix. Once I started I couldn't turn it off. Unlike the movie "Spotlight" which came out in 2015, "The Keepers" goes in to more detail regarding the abuse that was suffered by the young women at Archbishop Keough. When I was finished watching I had a need to know more, see if there were any updates, and find out if Brother Bob had been identified. I started reading Tom Nugent's articles on Inside Baltimore. Nugent is a former reporter for the Baltimore Sun and he's written extensively on the Sister Cathy murder.
I may have read too much. If the young women at Archbishop Keough were living in a nightmare, the kids at the Catholic Middle School in Locust Point were living in hell on earth. I won't share the details, you can go ahead and read Nugent's articles on your own. When I was done I felt like throwing up.
I'm not Catholic, I'm not even a religious person, but I'm furious with an institution where so many of my friends and relatives claim a membership. Just like I was furious for the Penn State cover up a few years back. What kind of a world are we living in where young, innocent victims are sacrificed so readily? Over the years I've read the stories of the lifelong trauma victims of abuse suffer. Some of them are able to live fairly normal lives as adults and confront what happened to them, refusing to let the abuser have anymore power. Some though turn to alcohol, drugs and even suicide. They feel guilty for something that was never their fault, that was done to them, that they never asked for. They were just kids doing kid stuff when someone started them on this hellish journey.
"The Keepers" provides details that one of the abuser Priests had kept records of his victims, including photographs of half naked young girls. I wonder if Ward realized when he was buying his online child porn the nightmare that the kids in the photograph were living in? I'm not saying Ward looked at the Priest's pictures, but he did look at someone's.
When my Mom sent my brother off to nursery school in 1980 she told him that no one was ever allowed to touch him, ever, without his permission. At Show & Tell on the first day the kids were asked if anyone had anything they wanted to share. My brother stood up, "No one can touch your penis without your permission." We get a family laugh out of it, but what my Mother did was uber important. She also told him that if anyone tried to do that he needed to tell her immediately, no matter what. I don't think parents prior to that had any idea they should be sending their kids off to school with that warning.
When I was coaching soccer about 12 years ago, several parents always hung around to help out. Good. Never leave your kid unattended with an adult for long periods of time. If a parent was late picking a kid up after practice I never offered the kid a ride home. Instead, we'd sit waiting by the parking lot in plain sight until the parent finally showed. The kids all had cell phones by then too so they always called the late parent to find out where they were. Don't be the parent who picks their kid up late from practice. As a matter of fact, don't be the parent who picks your kid up late ever from anywhere. Especially in the evening when places are closing up and your kid might be all alone and easy prey.
I hope one day the Catholic Church, Penn State and other institutions who have protected themselves over their victims, come to realize and openly acknowledge the harm they've done. I hope that the survivors and their families find the peace they are seeking.
UPDATE 6/8
For anyone interested in gaining additional understanding on what's happening with the investigation in to the murder of Sister Cathy Cesnik, I suggest joining the Facebook group page, The Keepers Official Group - Justice for Catherine Cesnik and Joyce Malecki. On the sex abuse scandals of the Catholic Church, Alex Gibney's 2012 HBO documentary, Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God is very well done. Finally, Richard Sipe who is referenced in the movie Spotlight, and appears in The Keepers, also has his own web page discussing much of his research and linking to others who have been trying to get the church to do what's right.
Monday, May 29, 2017
Somber Thoughts on Memorial Day
Since last November like many people, I've been processing through a lot of what our country is about and what we stand for and searching for truth. What is true about what I believe and what is not? Today is the day that we remember and honor, with broken hearts, those who died in service to our country. From the Revolutionary War to today's War on Terror, we have sacrificed the human treasure in our country for what we aver is a higher ideal - the fight for and the preservation of freedom.
This sacrifice means there are babies who will never know their fathers, children who will grow up without a mother or a father, and parents who will ache with the loss of their sons and daughters for the remainder of their own lives. This sacrifice means thousands of men and women won't be there to raise their children or care for their elderly parents. This sacrifice means that the men and women who gave up their lives will no longer contribute to our greater society. They won't cure cancer, they won't come up with a solution to climate change, they won't solve the next economic crisis, they won't teach in our schools or police our streets or run for elected office. Many of them have been cut down too young to have had a chance to leave a mark in this world other than the sacrifice of their life in a war.
In the last Harry Potter book, Dumbledore tells Harry,
"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living and, above all, those who live without love. By returning, you may ensure that fewer souls are maimed, fewer families are torn apart. If that seems to you a worthy goal, then we say good-bye for the present."
The older I get the more I feel the loss of this treasure and the toll it takes on all of us. Not just the sudden loss of a life, but the fact that we're honoring men and women who died because of a failure on the part of the living. War is the worst of human nature and we are way too eager to engage in it. We're not just asking for the sacrifice of your life, we're asking you to take lives as well. We're asking you to take part in something that kills the human soul. Perhaps we have no choice but to go to war, but we should never forget the totality of the cost to one and all.
The United States has been at war for nearly my entire lifetime. I was born in 1965 and a quick query on the internet reveals that we've lost more than 66,000 US Soldiers since then. The bulk of those deaths occurred in Vietnam, but the numbers for Iraq and Afghanistan are each already in the thousands. We no longer see the black bags lined up on the tarmac awaiting the last ride home with the bodies of our lost treasure resting silently inside. The American public doesn't actually like war and we don't like the consequences of war and so our government hides from us the awful truth and instead glorifies the battle and the pageantry and our weaponry. We see the soldier standing with the weapon heading in to battle, not lying torn to shreds on the ground, limbs missing and covered in blood in the aftermath.
It's not just soldiers who give up their lives in war, but civilians as well and yet we rarely if ever acknowledge their sacrifice as anything other than acceptable losses. The numbers of civilian casualties may number equally or higher to the number of soldiers lost, but their number also includes children from infants to teenagers. They will never grow up to become educated adults, have children of their own or provide solutions to finding peace in our time. They are the world's lost treasure. In recent years the United States has bombed a hospital in Afghanistan, slaughtered a wedding party in Yemen and killed an 8 year old girl in a drone strike.
We also ask for the sacrifice of the planet we live on. We have allowed poisonous chemicals like Agent Orange to rain down on our soldiers, on the local populace and on the land they occupy impacting generations to come, not to mention what we do to the wildlife. Soldiers bond with domestic animals (both dogs and cats) while they're serving their country and some try to bring them home and some leave those animals to fend for themselves once they're gone.
Nothing and no one is safe in the theater of war. Yet we sing songs about going off to war to kick some butt as if at the end we'll all just come back to the bar for a cold one and have a laugh. War is death. There is nothing to celebrate about war except when it ends and we can begin to pick up the pieces of our lives.
So on this Memorial Day we should gather and quietly honor those who have been lost to war, and we should remember not just the soldier, but all of the losses embodied therein and wonder what our future might have been if only.....Then we should demand to know why some wars are still being fought these many years later and how much more earthly treasure we can stand to lose.
This sacrifice means there are babies who will never know their fathers, children who will grow up without a mother or a father, and parents who will ache with the loss of their sons and daughters for the remainder of their own lives. This sacrifice means thousands of men and women won't be there to raise their children or care for their elderly parents. This sacrifice means that the men and women who gave up their lives will no longer contribute to our greater society. They won't cure cancer, they won't come up with a solution to climate change, they won't solve the next economic crisis, they won't teach in our schools or police our streets or run for elected office. Many of them have been cut down too young to have had a chance to leave a mark in this world other than the sacrifice of their life in a war.
In the last Harry Potter book, Dumbledore tells Harry,
"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living and, above all, those who live without love. By returning, you may ensure that fewer souls are maimed, fewer families are torn apart. If that seems to you a worthy goal, then we say good-bye for the present."
The older I get the more I feel the loss of this treasure and the toll it takes on all of us. Not just the sudden loss of a life, but the fact that we're honoring men and women who died because of a failure on the part of the living. War is the worst of human nature and we are way too eager to engage in it. We're not just asking for the sacrifice of your life, we're asking you to take lives as well. We're asking you to take part in something that kills the human soul. Perhaps we have no choice but to go to war, but we should never forget the totality of the cost to one and all.
The United States has been at war for nearly my entire lifetime. I was born in 1965 and a quick query on the internet reveals that we've lost more than 66,000 US Soldiers since then. The bulk of those deaths occurred in Vietnam, but the numbers for Iraq and Afghanistan are each already in the thousands. We no longer see the black bags lined up on the tarmac awaiting the last ride home with the bodies of our lost treasure resting silently inside. The American public doesn't actually like war and we don't like the consequences of war and so our government hides from us the awful truth and instead glorifies the battle and the pageantry and our weaponry. We see the soldier standing with the weapon heading in to battle, not lying torn to shreds on the ground, limbs missing and covered in blood in the aftermath.
It's not just soldiers who give up their lives in war, but civilians as well and yet we rarely if ever acknowledge their sacrifice as anything other than acceptable losses. The numbers of civilian casualties may number equally or higher to the number of soldiers lost, but their number also includes children from infants to teenagers. They will never grow up to become educated adults, have children of their own or provide solutions to finding peace in our time. They are the world's lost treasure. In recent years the United States has bombed a hospital in Afghanistan, slaughtered a wedding party in Yemen and killed an 8 year old girl in a drone strike.
We also ask for the sacrifice of the planet we live on. We have allowed poisonous chemicals like Agent Orange to rain down on our soldiers, on the local populace and on the land they occupy impacting generations to come, not to mention what we do to the wildlife. Soldiers bond with domestic animals (both dogs and cats) while they're serving their country and some try to bring them home and some leave those animals to fend for themselves once they're gone.
Nothing and no one is safe in the theater of war. Yet we sing songs about going off to war to kick some butt as if at the end we'll all just come back to the bar for a cold one and have a laugh. War is death. There is nothing to celebrate about war except when it ends and we can begin to pick up the pieces of our lives.
So on this Memorial Day we should gather and quietly honor those who have been lost to war, and we should remember not just the soldier, but all of the losses embodied therein and wonder what our future might have been if only.....Then we should demand to know why some wars are still being fought these many years later and how much more earthly treasure we can stand to lose.
Saturday, May 27, 2017
Weekend Rambling Thoughts
It's Saturday morning and my sister and her family will be hopping in their mini-van shortly with both their dogs and heading south to Maryland. I should be finishing up laundry and making beds to get ready for them, but I'm not. I'm engaging in what my sister and I refer to as 'self-sabotage'. You may remember it from your college days when you were working on a term paper. You can find all kinds of things to do and become thoroughly engrossed in but that. I recall someone asking how long it takes to write a term paper and the answer was, how long have I got?
I really need to walk my dog and then get on my bike for an hour. I have a trip coming up in June where I'll be on a bike a lot and I'm not sure my legs or my behind are up for the job. I managed to self-sabotage my plans for daily bike riding over the past few months with excuses like it's too cold, or it's too wet when in reality I just couldn't focus on the task at hand. Although, it was pouring buckets on Thursday morning and it was chilly so I'm going to say not going was legit.
Part of my problem is my laptop and all the social applications I just can't get enough of. I keep saying I'm going to break myself of my Facebook and Twitter habits but I can't. They're a total time suck. I also bought myself an Apple TV for the living room and my bedroom and I love surfing all my options. I love a good binge watch.
Also, much to my dismay, my heat pump/air conditioner decided this was a good time to say goodbye to the world. I worked from home yesterday while the new system was installed, but it meant I couldn't get to the laundry! Very convenient excuse. My laundry area in my basement has been on my 'to do' list for a while and so last weekend I had started to get it organized. When I first start I actually make more of a mess before the actual clean up starts. I need to create piles to figure out what needs to be trashed, recycled, given away, etc.,. Anyway of course the indoor unit is right there by the laundry area. I had to make sure the guys had room to work which meant moving some trash bags and stacking stuff on top of the washer and dryer, and then just staying out of their way.
Anyway, here I am writing a blog post when I haven't had the need to write about anything in a long time and suddenly this morning, with laundry looming and all the other things I need to get done, I'm blogging. Of course!! That's how self-sabotage works.
I have a lot of things I want to write about but one of them is just too taxing (Trump). I don't know about a lot of you, but I'm exhausted trying to keep up with the shenanigans of the current administration. I really need this long weekend of rest to think about nothing and just enjoy family.
My Dad turns 80 on Sunday and we're all gathering at my parents' house for a milestone celebration. Both my parents are doing really well and it will be a fun celebration. Hopefully we won't talk politics, not because we disagree but because it's just too depressing.
On Monday I'll be in a good frame of mind for the Memorial Day holiday. One thing that might help my motivation before then though is for the sun to come out. I don't know about you, but I've had enough of this gloomy weather to last a lifetime.
I think I just heard the buzzer on the dryer so I'll sign off and wish everyone a very nice holiday weekend.
I really need to walk my dog and then get on my bike for an hour. I have a trip coming up in June where I'll be on a bike a lot and I'm not sure my legs or my behind are up for the job. I managed to self-sabotage my plans for daily bike riding over the past few months with excuses like it's too cold, or it's too wet when in reality I just couldn't focus on the task at hand. Although, it was pouring buckets on Thursday morning and it was chilly so I'm going to say not going was legit.
Part of my problem is my laptop and all the social applications I just can't get enough of. I keep saying I'm going to break myself of my Facebook and Twitter habits but I can't. They're a total time suck. I also bought myself an Apple TV for the living room and my bedroom and I love surfing all my options. I love a good binge watch.
Also, much to my dismay, my heat pump/air conditioner decided this was a good time to say goodbye to the world. I worked from home yesterday while the new system was installed, but it meant I couldn't get to the laundry! Very convenient excuse. My laundry area in my basement has been on my 'to do' list for a while and so last weekend I had started to get it organized. When I first start I actually make more of a mess before the actual clean up starts. I need to create piles to figure out what needs to be trashed, recycled, given away, etc.,. Anyway of course the indoor unit is right there by the laundry area. I had to make sure the guys had room to work which meant moving some trash bags and stacking stuff on top of the washer and dryer, and then just staying out of their way.
Anyway, here I am writing a blog post when I haven't had the need to write about anything in a long time and suddenly this morning, with laundry looming and all the other things I need to get done, I'm blogging. Of course!! That's how self-sabotage works.
I have a lot of things I want to write about but one of them is just too taxing (Trump). I don't know about a lot of you, but I'm exhausted trying to keep up with the shenanigans of the current administration. I really need this long weekend of rest to think about nothing and just enjoy family.
My Dad turns 80 on Sunday and we're all gathering at my parents' house for a milestone celebration. Both my parents are doing really well and it will be a fun celebration. Hopefully we won't talk politics, not because we disagree but because it's just too depressing.
On Monday I'll be in a good frame of mind for the Memorial Day holiday. One thing that might help my motivation before then though is for the sun to come out. I don't know about you, but I've had enough of this gloomy weather to last a lifetime.
I think I just heard the buzzer on the dryer so I'll sign off and wish everyone a very nice holiday weekend.
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Love Is All Around
A little more than two years ago the rescue I volunteer with gave me a foster dog that had been rescued from a homeless situation. A woman was living in her car with two dogs and was having a very hard time of it. Izzy, the dog that came to me, had serious mange that was very expensive to treat and I believe her car mate did as well. I'm not sure who convinced the woman to turn the dogs over to a rescue, but she did, they were treated for their health issues, and both found wonderful new homes where they're thriving. When the woman was back on her feet again she inquired about getting her dogs back. Unfortunately, that's not how it works.
At the time I thought that giving up those two dogs was a great sacrifice but that the dogs would be better for it. Or would they? She certainly wouldn't. I know what the loss of a dog feels like after they've lived a long and full life with you, and I can't imagine the heartbreak of giving them up while they're alive because you can't care for them. Also, the attachment between dogs and their humans is two ways - we love them and they love us back. Who hasn't seen the pictures of dogs dumped at a shelter, head bowed and staring in to the corner, crying and wondering what is happening and not knowing where their beloved human has gone? Or the story of a dog chasing after a car that's just dumped it on a highway? My own dog follows me around the house when we're home together and wants to be in the same room as me. He can be off leash in safe spaces because he and I are a pack and he stays with me - I jokingly say we're a bonded pair. He loves me and I love him.
When I'm near kids who are interacting with my dogs I always make sure to share with them that dogs love. "Did you know that dogs feel love the same way that people do?" I'll ask the kids. They start to ask questions as they pet the dog, "Do you think your dog loves me?" and my response is "Yes, I think he does. Look at his tail wagging." Especially when I have a foster and the kids want to know why I'm not keeping the newest resident of our neighborhood, "Doesn't he love you?" and I say, "Well yes, I think he does, but he knows that we're working very hard to find him a family of his very own and he'll love them too."
Which brings me back to my original question, should homeless people give up their pets? There are plenty of people living on the streets alongside their pets and in a harsh world where there's little hope and little joy in every day existence, perhaps these pets make a real and positive difference. At least that's what Glenn Greenwald and his husband David Miranda believe. I listened to Glenn on DemocracyNow! talk about creating an animal shelter in Rio de Janeiro that will hire homeless people who love dogs to work there and I read his article about it in the online newspaper he founded, The Intercept. The people they hire will live and work at the shelter with their own pets while working to find homes for the many homeless dogs living in that city. They're hoping this shelter will become a model that can be replicated in cities around the world. I hope they're right. This morning I went to their GoFundMe page and made a $100 donation in support of this effort.
We're living in an incredibly chaotic world right now. Within all this insanity here is an opportunity for something real that can make a difference in many lives, both human and animal. I believe that like the song says, the love you take is equal to the love you make. Click on the links I've embedded throughout this post to hear and read about all of this first hand. We're one week away from remembering those who sacrificed their lives for war, and what better way to remember them but by building up the people and animals for whom they made that sacrifice.
 |
| Izzy |
At the time I thought that giving up those two dogs was a great sacrifice but that the dogs would be better for it. Or would they? She certainly wouldn't. I know what the loss of a dog feels like after they've lived a long and full life with you, and I can't imagine the heartbreak of giving them up while they're alive because you can't care for them. Also, the attachment between dogs and their humans is two ways - we love them and they love us back. Who hasn't seen the pictures of dogs dumped at a shelter, head bowed and staring in to the corner, crying and wondering what is happening and not knowing where their beloved human has gone? Or the story of a dog chasing after a car that's just dumped it on a highway? My own dog follows me around the house when we're home together and wants to be in the same room as me. He can be off leash in safe spaces because he and I are a pack and he stays with me - I jokingly say we're a bonded pair. He loves me and I love him.
When I'm near kids who are interacting with my dogs I always make sure to share with them that dogs love. "Did you know that dogs feel love the same way that people do?" I'll ask the kids. They start to ask questions as they pet the dog, "Do you think your dog loves me?" and my response is "Yes, I think he does. Look at his tail wagging." Especially when I have a foster and the kids want to know why I'm not keeping the newest resident of our neighborhood, "Doesn't he love you?" and I say, "Well yes, I think he does, but he knows that we're working very hard to find him a family of his very own and he'll love them too."
Which brings me back to my original question, should homeless people give up their pets? There are plenty of people living on the streets alongside their pets and in a harsh world where there's little hope and little joy in every day existence, perhaps these pets make a real and positive difference. At least that's what Glenn Greenwald and his husband David Miranda believe. I listened to Glenn on DemocracyNow! talk about creating an animal shelter in Rio de Janeiro that will hire homeless people who love dogs to work there and I read his article about it in the online newspaper he founded, The Intercept. The people they hire will live and work at the shelter with their own pets while working to find homes for the many homeless dogs living in that city. They're hoping this shelter will become a model that can be replicated in cities around the world. I hope they're right. This morning I went to their GoFundMe page and made a $100 donation in support of this effort.
We're living in an incredibly chaotic world right now. Within all this insanity here is an opportunity for something real that can make a difference in many lives, both human and animal. I believe that like the song says, the love you take is equal to the love you make. Click on the links I've embedded throughout this post to hear and read about all of this first hand. We're one week away from remembering those who sacrificed their lives for war, and what better way to remember them but by building up the people and animals for whom they made that sacrifice.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
My Teeth
You may have noticed that I'm not a daily or even weekly blogger. I decided when I started this blog that I wouldn't force it. If I didn't have anything to say or ruminate about that I'd just not blog until I did. This has worked out really well. Except I've had a lot of things I wanted to talk about and share on my blog over the past few weeks only my teeth had other ideas!!
I don't know about you, but I hate the dentist. I didn't use to hate the dentist. Growing up I had great teeth. Never a cavity, no braces, and a lot of compliments on how beautiful my teeth were. Then around age eighteen I got a cavity. The dentist I'd grown up with had retired and we got a new one. He was a pretty good dentist but I said to him "I never got a cavity with the old dentist." He didn't really know how to reply.
Around age 21 I had my wisdom teeth pulled. This seemed like just a right of passage. A lot of my friends were going through this and I didn't think twice about it. One day my Mom informed me that our general dentist didn't participate in the network any longer. I would never be able to afford the additional costs of a non-participating dentist. So I basically stopped going to the dentist for a few years instead of trying to find someone new.
In my late thirties it suddenly dawned on me to grow up and go to the dentist. A friend, a dental surgeon, recommended one. The new dentist told me that I had a few cavities and that one of my teeth needed a root canal. Turned out the root canal tooth was cracked and needed to be extracted. I lay in the Endodontist chair with tears streaming down the sides of my face contemplating the financial cost.
You see, that same year I had decided to go back to college and finish my bachelor's degree. I had refinanced my house to have enough money to pay for the first year of school and I was saving money to pay for the second year. However, my heating and air conditioning system had died and that was a $5,000 price tag. My bathtub tried to take a trip to my kitchen and that had been a $2,500 price tag. My car decided it needed a $600 repair, and my dog decided she needed a $600 surgery. This might not seem like a lot to many, but at the time it was the difference between me finishing school or not. Luckily I have parents who stepped in and wanted to help with these large bills and my Mom shared some money she had inherited from her father with my siblings and I that kept me afloat. Teeth were not included in this financial scheme. Even with the financial help from my Mom I barely had two pennies to pinch together when all was said and done.
I won't share the oral surgeon's name who pulled my tooth out, but it hurt when he did it and it hurt a lot. He practically stood on my chest to wrench the tooth out of my mouth. The nurse held my hand while I crushed her fingers. Even a few weeks later small slivers of tooth were coming up through my gums.
The general dentist then proceeded to do a lousy job with a filling in one of my molars that caused a lot of pain and discomfort. I still had a lot of great teeth but he seemed to want to grind them down and put crowns on them. He also was odd with his method of billing. I felt that he kept trying to bill me more than a participating dentist should be billing me. I walked away and learned to work around my bad filling and again, stayed away from the dentist.
Then a few weeks ago I ended up with a tooth ache that brought me to my knees. I've never been in so much pain. Good friends recommended a general dentist and I took what I figured was the tooth with the bad filling thinking that time had run out on the work around. I was wrong. The tooth causing all the pain was right next to it. A referral to the Endodontist ended the same way it had previously, a cracked tooth that needed to be extracted.
Now, let me tell you that this experience was a complete 180 from the previous one. My general dentist was awesome. The Endodontist was so nice. She worked really hard to get me a same day appointment with the oral surgeon knowing how much pain I was in. The oral surgeon was also really great. I never felt a thing and he pulled the tooth out in one piece. I've never been so grateful.
Since then my new dentist has worked on one filling and I've had a root canal performed on another tooth that while cracked, has a chance at being saved. It's a short tooth though so I scored a Periodontist who is going to perform a 'crown lengthening'. This means that some gum and some bone need to be removed in order for the crown to fit properly. I had a consultation with the Periodontist and he seems like he's pretty nice too. So far on this go around, all of the dentists I've seen are super nice, and really go out of their way to make sure you're comfortable and that they do a good job on your teeth. Most important, they listen when I'm talking.
I've got a lot to look forward to this year with regards to my teeth - for the two teeth that were extracted I need to talk to someone about implants and I have the original bad filling still to be taken care of. Remember I went back to college? Well thanks to that activity I was able to advance in my job and can actually afford my dental work. My company offers Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs) too so I've put money in there to pay for the out of pocket expenses that aren't covered by my dental plan.
I shouldn't have stopped going to the dentist. Maybe I could have avoided the second extraction and the problem filling might have been taken care of. I should have searched for a new dentist when the guy I didn't like turned out to be so crappy. In fact, I should have searched for a new dentist when my old dentist stopped participating. Well, I can't change any of that. I can make sure that I have great doctors all around going forward.
How does this tie in to my theme about choice? Well, choose to do the smart things in life, they're not that hard if you put a little effort in to them and maybe it will make things easier down the road. Choose to shop around for doctors you want to see, don't just stop going to the doctor due to a bad experience. There are other doctors to choose from. At least I never gave up on brushing and flossing!!
I don't know about you, but I hate the dentist. I didn't use to hate the dentist. Growing up I had great teeth. Never a cavity, no braces, and a lot of compliments on how beautiful my teeth were. Then around age eighteen I got a cavity. The dentist I'd grown up with had retired and we got a new one. He was a pretty good dentist but I said to him "I never got a cavity with the old dentist." He didn't really know how to reply.
Around age 21 I had my wisdom teeth pulled. This seemed like just a right of passage. A lot of my friends were going through this and I didn't think twice about it. One day my Mom informed me that our general dentist didn't participate in the network any longer. I would never be able to afford the additional costs of a non-participating dentist. So I basically stopped going to the dentist for a few years instead of trying to find someone new.
In my late thirties it suddenly dawned on me to grow up and go to the dentist. A friend, a dental surgeon, recommended one. The new dentist told me that I had a few cavities and that one of my teeth needed a root canal. Turned out the root canal tooth was cracked and needed to be extracted. I lay in the Endodontist chair with tears streaming down the sides of my face contemplating the financial cost.
You see, that same year I had decided to go back to college and finish my bachelor's degree. I had refinanced my house to have enough money to pay for the first year of school and I was saving money to pay for the second year. However, my heating and air conditioning system had died and that was a $5,000 price tag. My bathtub tried to take a trip to my kitchen and that had been a $2,500 price tag. My car decided it needed a $600 repair, and my dog decided she needed a $600 surgery. This might not seem like a lot to many, but at the time it was the difference between me finishing school or not. Luckily I have parents who stepped in and wanted to help with these large bills and my Mom shared some money she had inherited from her father with my siblings and I that kept me afloat. Teeth were not included in this financial scheme. Even with the financial help from my Mom I barely had two pennies to pinch together when all was said and done.
I won't share the oral surgeon's name who pulled my tooth out, but it hurt when he did it and it hurt a lot. He practically stood on my chest to wrench the tooth out of my mouth. The nurse held my hand while I crushed her fingers. Even a few weeks later small slivers of tooth were coming up through my gums.
The general dentist then proceeded to do a lousy job with a filling in one of my molars that caused a lot of pain and discomfort. I still had a lot of great teeth but he seemed to want to grind them down and put crowns on them. He also was odd with his method of billing. I felt that he kept trying to bill me more than a participating dentist should be billing me. I walked away and learned to work around my bad filling and again, stayed away from the dentist.
Then a few weeks ago I ended up with a tooth ache that brought me to my knees. I've never been in so much pain. Good friends recommended a general dentist and I took what I figured was the tooth with the bad filling thinking that time had run out on the work around. I was wrong. The tooth causing all the pain was right next to it. A referral to the Endodontist ended the same way it had previously, a cracked tooth that needed to be extracted.
Now, let me tell you that this experience was a complete 180 from the previous one. My general dentist was awesome. The Endodontist was so nice. She worked really hard to get me a same day appointment with the oral surgeon knowing how much pain I was in. The oral surgeon was also really great. I never felt a thing and he pulled the tooth out in one piece. I've never been so grateful.
Since then my new dentist has worked on one filling and I've had a root canal performed on another tooth that while cracked, has a chance at being saved. It's a short tooth though so I scored a Periodontist who is going to perform a 'crown lengthening'. This means that some gum and some bone need to be removed in order for the crown to fit properly. I had a consultation with the Periodontist and he seems like he's pretty nice too. So far on this go around, all of the dentists I've seen are super nice, and really go out of their way to make sure you're comfortable and that they do a good job on your teeth. Most important, they listen when I'm talking.
I've got a lot to look forward to this year with regards to my teeth - for the two teeth that were extracted I need to talk to someone about implants and I have the original bad filling still to be taken care of. Remember I went back to college? Well thanks to that activity I was able to advance in my job and can actually afford my dental work. My company offers Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs) too so I've put money in there to pay for the out of pocket expenses that aren't covered by my dental plan.
I shouldn't have stopped going to the dentist. Maybe I could have avoided the second extraction and the problem filling might have been taken care of. I should have searched for a new dentist when the guy I didn't like turned out to be so crappy. In fact, I should have searched for a new dentist when my old dentist stopped participating. Well, I can't change any of that. I can make sure that I have great doctors all around going forward.
How does this tie in to my theme about choice? Well, choose to do the smart things in life, they're not that hard if you put a little effort in to them and maybe it will make things easier down the road. Choose to shop around for doctors you want to see, don't just stop going to the doctor due to a bad experience. There are other doctors to choose from. At least I never gave up on brushing and flossing!!
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