Give The Gift of Time

This year I've learned a lot, like who are my really good friends, who I can count on and how to be accountable in return, and how to survive a layoff and find a new job.  I've always known that I had enough stuff, but as I cleaned out my basement in September and assessed my surroundings I realized I had more than enough.  I've been rethinking stuff in general over the last few years and with the holiday season now in full swing, this is a good time to focus on gift giving and what makes sense for family and friends.

When my two oldest nephews were young they were gifted with a lot of family who gave them a lot of presents on Christmas and Birthdays.  One Christmas I remember thinking that they had so much stuff they couldn't see straight and they had no idea who gave them what.  I didn't want a present I'd put a lot of thought in to just be thrown on a pile and forgotten about.  I didn't want to be known as the Aunt who just handed out presents.  At that moment I decided that I wouldn't spend money on toys for them anymore, instead I'd spend time.

Time is a limited resource.  It will never be replenished and its the most precious gift that we can give.  My oldest nephew was turning four and he and his Mom and Dad would be in town for Christmas.  His gift was a sleepover at my house with a movie and popcorn and the next day we drove to Liberty Mountain, took a ski lesson and spent the day outside skiing and having a great time.  Since then our adventures have included a day in DC visiting the Spy Museum and China Town, movie nights and adventure parks and when he was twelve, a road trip in California.  I've done the same for his younger brother.  It's meant lasting memories that we fondly talk about when we're together.  They're older now and more interested in spending time with their friends than hanging out with their Aunt, but we have those moments together that I hold close in my heart and I know they do too.

My Mom and Dad are challenging to buy gifts for and have been for a while. They're in their early 80s and they don't need anything.  Which I think is true for most people who are lucky enough to have a good job and food on the table no matter what your age.  I also stopped buying them regular gifts and started purchasing tickets instead.  Tickets to a Christmas concert to hear the Canadian Brass, a subscription to Toby's Dinner Theater and dinner at a favorite restaurant are at the top of the list of gifts that I've given them.  We're lucky to have such high quality, entertaining productions coming out of Toby's and it's so family friendly - for both young kids and seniors -  that we go at least once every year.  My first theater experience as a young child was seeing Guys and Dolls at Toby's for my birthday and it's something I remember to this day.

Spending time as a gift doesn't have to be expensive and there are so many ways to do it.  From sitting down to read to a small child, cooking holiday recipes in the kitchen together to driving around to see Christmas lights, there are so many ways to give the gift of time.  A hike in a nearby park with friends and pets, an afternoon at the movies or hosting a holiday party - these are the things people will remember for years with a smile on their face.

Volunteering is one of the best ways to make a difference for those who might not be as lucky as you and it's another thing you can do with friends and family.  Remember that at this time of year there are plenty of volunteers, but once the holidays are over is when a lot of non-profits can really use the help.  If you check out Volunteer Match they can help you find a good opportunity that aligns with your interests.

No matter what you decide to give as presents though, don't forget yourself.  Give yourself the gift of your time to do something you've been thinking about for a long time.  Even if it's just getting a good night's sleep, you're important too and no less deserving of your time than anyone else.

What Real Help Looks Like to a Job Searcher

From my last post you know that my job was eliminated in January of this year.  Now that I'm fully employed again I want to share what it means to really help someone who is looking for a job - whether they've been let go or are fully employed and searching out new opportunities.  The reason I want to share is because while today you may enjoy full employment, you may one day need this kind of help.  Helping others in their search is the best way to help yourself.

Most important, don't ask someone who has been let go how their job search is going.  When you're busy looking for a job you have no idea how it's going until you actually land an interview and then get a job offer.  Until that happens all you know is you're doing what you've been told works and keeping at it until something happens.  It's a lot like fishing and when you're out there everyday and not getting any bites it gets stressful.  Instead, ask them how you can help and then be prepared to follow through with that help.

One of my favorite people and a good friend said "I can't wait to help you!" when she found out about my job loss.  We would meet for lunch every couple of weeks and I'd talk about what I was doing, who I'd networked with, and where I'd submitted resumes.  She gave me my first real opportunity with another friend of hers who had an opening that was a good fit for me.  She would ask me questions "Did you follow up with...."  and "Have you talked to....".  I really looked forward to meeting up with her and now that I have a job I miss our meetups!

Another friend messaged me on Facebook with a job opening at his company.  This was super helpful and I really appreciated it.  I wasn't a good match for the job but he was actively keeping an eye out at his company for opportunities, and probably not just for me, but for all of his friends looking for a job. 

To be the most helpful you need to keep an eye out for the opportunities available at the company where you work.  Are they a good match for your friend(s) who is looking?  If there's an opportunity, do you know the hiring manager?  Do you know the internal HR Recruiter?  Can you find out the salary range for the opportunity?  If your friend wants to pursue this opportunity are you willing to walk their resume to these people and put in a good word for them?  Several years ago I had a contractor working for me who wanted a permanent position.  I didn't have an immediate opening in my department and I felt this person was too good to see her walk out the door.  I had seen a job on the company career site in another area that was a great match for her.  She was definitely interested and after finding out all of the information and sharing with her, she decided to apply.  I emailed the hiring manager with a letter of recommendation and attached her resume.  She got the job and a large part of that was just getting her in front of the hiring manager so she could showcase her skills.

The most challenging part of job searching is getting a human being to physically look at your resume.  When you apply for a job on a company website these days its going through an ATS (Applicant Tracking System) and a program using an algorithm is sorting through the resumes submitted matching key words from the job description to them.  If you haven't done a good job tailoring your resume for that job you aren't going to come up as a match for the position and you're not going to get an interview let alone a call.  That's why it matters who you know.

The next thing you can do to help someone searching for a job is to think of all the people you know and where they work.  The job searcher might be looking at a job at a particular company and you know someone there who can help get their resume in front of the hiring manager.  Arranging introductions to who you know is extremely helpful.  I introduce people using multiple methods - the messaging features on LinkedIn and Facebook help with people you might not run into or talk to all that often.  I reach out and ask if I can introduce them and if they say yes I send a message to both folks with the introduction.  Then the job searcher and the contact can figure out how to meet up and share information.  This is a mini-interview for the job searcher because they're now asking a new acquaintance to clear a path to the hiring manager. 

The job searcher has to do their part of course - getting their resume together, actively searching company websites for current opportunities, and then following through on meetups when they've been introduced, but you are one of their best resources in the job search.  They need your help.

If you're the person who has just been introduced to a job searcher, you've been given the opportunity to pay it forward for any help you've had in previous or current job searches.  You can make a huge difference for someone in the job hunt and now that you know them, do all the things I just described above.

My Job Was Eliminated And I'm Fine

Last December I wrote a post about potentially being involved in a lay-off at my company.  Well the band-aid was ripped off in January when my job was eliminated.  I've been having a really interesting year since it happened and I've been writing about it, but I haven't been ready to post publicly.  The good news is I have a job.  I'm also working with some friends who were let go on the same day I was and we're thinking of putting our experience in to a book.  We think people might find it helpful. 

What I want you to know though is if your job is eliminated don't go through it all by yourself.  Reach out to your family and friends and tell everyone what's happened.  You will need their help and the help of many more people as you figure out "Now what?".  That includes me.  I will help anybody.  I've been there and I will help. 

I haven't given up on blogging, I just have to figure out how to mix it back in with everything else I'm trying to do these days. 

Am I Getting Let Go? What Do I Do?

We're going through some big changes at the company where I work and everyone is nervous.  Information on future plans is hard to come by so speculation is running rampant and most people are thinking lay offs.  Ugh!  Nothing more stressful than thinking you're going to lose your job, especially in the middle of the holidays.

I've worked at this company for nearly 30 years.  It's a solid, well respected company, a good place to work and I like my coworkers.  The thought of being in my early fifties and suddenly having to search for a new job is scary.  I'm close enough to retirement that I'm starting to plan for what I'll be doing but far enough away that I can't stop working if those plans are going to be fulfilled.  It's not just about being on a permanent vacation either - it's considering how I'll pay for healthcare, prescription drugs or what I'll do if I need assistance for every day living.

About a month or so ago I noted this feeling of dread that I was going to face 'permanent separation' as HR refers to it, come January.  It's a feeling of total loss of control over your circumstances.  Once I realized that I just wanted to be the one making the decisions, I started to do some research.  My company has a Severance Plan.  I checked to see what someone in my position would receive.  Due to my length of service, I get a respectable amount of Severance - I get paid for a set number of weeks after I'm let go that includes my health benefits.  The company would no longer contribute to my 401k, but I'd still have medical, dental and vision coverage during the Severance period.  That's one big worry taken care of.

Next, I checked to see what laws might be out there to protect me and what the protections include.  I'm a woman, I'm in my early fifties and I'm retirement eligible in another year and a half (you have to be 55 and have worked for the company for 10 years to be retirement eligible).  I came across the Age Discrimination in Employment Act and the Older Workers Benefit Protection Act of 1990 which detail what is required by employers including how much notice you should receive prior to a layoff and your rights regarding signing waivers.  I looked up applying for Unemployment Benefits in the State of Maryland.

Following that I thought, how do I make the most of my time on severance?  I came up with a plan for my days - still getting up at the same time Monday through Friday.  Walking my dogs at the same time I always do.  Then, instead of going to the office after I shower, spending my day job hunting.  That includes things like networking - having lunch with people I know who work at companies where I might like to work.  Going to professional meet-ups for Project Managers and other groups so that I can get the word out that I'm looking.  In other words, my new full time job is finding a new full time job and it has the same hours as the old job and I have to work just as hard at it.

I plan to take advantage of my severance to also do things I can't do right now - like go on a bike ride during the day or a swim.  Getting fit was on my high priority list.  If I'm going to be stressed because I'm out of work, it seems like exercise might help with that.  Also, I feel like fitter, happier people might have an edge with employers.  Exercising leaves me in a good mood.  I sleep better, I eat better and I have a better outlook.  I'll need all the positive energy I can get.

Last, I decided that I would create a one page document - front and back if need be - that I keep with me at all times.  It's something I can grab when HR shows up at my office and I know this is it.  The information on that page is what I learned from the laws I read and a checklist of things I should ask about when I'm going through the separation process and before I sign anything.

Now that I've gone through this whole exercise I actually feel more in control.  I still don't want to get let go, but if it happens I'm ready and I know what my plan is.  Happy Holidays.

Veteran's Day - Never Forget

Today is Veteran's Day, a time when we all take a moment to recall November 11, 1918 when the guns of war fell silent on distant shores and ushered in a turbulent peace with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles in June the following year.  Much of what we've experienced in the 100 years since then has been a direct result of that war, that treaty.  From World War II to Vietnam and the Middle East, many conflicts owe their origins to a lack of foresight by the leaders in the room on that day.  Harsh punishments against Germany and doors shut in people's faces who would later take the world stage such as Ho Chi Minh, were the seeds of future wars.

Today we thank our soldiers for their service and we say to them never forget.  What does never forget mean though?  It seems like today its only words, uttered to make us feel okay with not really thinking about what we're asking our young citizens, mostly from blue collar, lower income and poor families, to sacrifice.  Often times the military for them is a way to step up the financial staircase to make a better life - to get to college and a decent paying job that lets them actually pursue the happiness many of us take for granted.  Many of them come home broken, physically and emotionally, with injuries that may never heal.

World War I was a miserable war.  It unleashed chemical weapons like mustard gas and it was one of the deadliest wars ever.  It's estimated that 16 million people died in that war with around 37 million casualties - military and civilian combined. 

We owe it to our soldiers to never forget.  The casualties of today's wars are tomorrow's enemies that we then send our sons and daughters off to fight.  With the ending of the draft many Americans have been able to ignore wars and those fighting them and to pay lip service with bumper stickers and empty words that demand nothing from us.  It's easy to support a war when your kid, your Mom and Dad, aren't off fighting in it.

Never forget means knowing how your elected officials vote when it comes to war and why.  Never forget means holding the Congress accountable and not allowing them to hand a President a blank check to make war.  Never forget means our active duty military are paid well and have health care benefits for themselves and their families. Never forget means honest, comprehensive debate about the rationale for and the consequences of any war before we send a single soldier off to fight.  Never forget means demanding the VA is fully funded to take care of our soldiers and veterans, and not just their physical injuries but their emotional ones as well.  Never forget means there should not be a single homeless veteran in this country.  Never forget means educating yourself and writing letters, calling and attending town halls of your elected representatives to ensure they're passing legislation to protect and provide for our veterans and active duty military.  Never forget means showing up to vote.  Until we do all this, they're just meaningless words.

Lastly, thank you for your service Dad, Grandpa, Uncle Al, Uncle Bud, Uncle Don, Uncle Nich, and Patrick.

What Happened to Halloween?

I'm sitting here in my living room awaiting the Treaters.  I have time to post a blog because there are hardly any out there.  In years past I've purchased the big bag of candy with Nerds and Sweet Tarts and all the tooth decaying sugar that kids love, only to be left with half of it.  I've bought the lollipops, that I then brought to the office to fatten up my coworkers.  I've had the Monster Mash playing on the stereo and I've purchased Dracula teeth to hand out with the candy.   I have a lot of Dracula teeth left over.  The kids who did come around loved them, but there weren't that many.

I loved Halloween as a kid.  I started out very young in a homemade costume my Dad came up with - pillows strapped around my waist to give me girth, I wore a pair of his Bermuda shorts and one of his shirts, a fishing hat and clown makeup.  I was a hit!  Clown was very popular in our house, but we also wore the store bought costumes with the plastic masks.  Every year my little brother was some form of Ninja.  We've been ghosts and aliens and washer women.  As an older kid I dressed up to head to Georgetown or Fells Point with a bunch of friends.  Now as a mature adult I love being the one to hand out the candy.

When I was a kid I remember waiting for my Dad to come home from work to help us with our costumes.  Neighborhood kids would already be starting to come around and my Mom was handing out candy and still we weren't out there!!  The whole neighborhood would be out, gangs of kids with bags and pillowcases full of candy.  It was not unusual for my Mom to run out of candy some years because there were so many Treaters out.  My sister and I were always so proud of ourselves when we treated every single house in our neighborhood. 

I don't know what happened to Trick or Treating.  I don't know why only a few kids come around.  I'm glad they do.  This year I bought the big candy bars because well, when there's only a few I can afford to go big.  A hefty reward to the kids who are still carrying on the tradition. 

Boo!

What Future Do We Want?

Sometimes someone tells a story about themselves or an event and everyone around them reacts as if they've been judged.  "Our team is doing great work!"  Well, so is my team.  "People are being mean to me!" Wait, I'm not being mean to you.  "White people are racist", wait a second, I'm not a racist.  "Black Lives Matter!" Wait, don't all lives matter?  And so on and so on.

These past few weeks I've heard folks screaming about due process and worrying that their sons will be falsely accused of sexual assault, that past infractions could come out of the blue to take their sons down.  All of these responses obfuscate what is actually happening - they derail us with their perceived, potential victimhood from talking about real issues that in most instances are life altering, and even life threatening.  That the main issue we are arguing this week, and almost every week, is about progress.

That's right, progress.  Do we halt progress in its tracks, or do we push it forward and closer to the ideals embodied in our Constitution that we claim we are trying to live by?  At the end of the day, isn't that what American exceptionalism is all about?  Not that we've achieved everything already, but that we believe in the ideals embodied in the US Constitution, despite the fact that even as they were written down that the men doing the writing were not living up to the standard they espoused?   

I am disappointed but not surprised by the confirmation of Judge Kavanaugh to the United States Supreme Court.  His appointment, like Gorsuch's before him, sets us back decades on the road of progress.  As did the election of the man who appointed both of them.  Progress is scary to a lot of people, and so they went with not just what they knew, but what they feel serves them best.  Fear of progress is what has lead America to dismantle the New Deal, weaken environmental regulations, undercut unions and the voting rights act, prevent women from enjoying full autonomy of their persons - and not just in reproduction, but apparently daily life as well, and to embrace corporations as people with money acting as their version of free speech and silencing the rest of us.  

I am hopeful that next month's elections will bring some turnaround to all this, but I would suggest that we can no longer just vote and hope for the best.  I'm excited by the number of people participating in peaceful protests, starting with the anti-Muslim ban and showing up at airports around the country, to teachers showing up in state capitols and demanding higher pay and better resources, to the women protesting at the Senate hearings for Judge Kavanaugh.  We can no longer take for granted what we've achieved, every day we need to tend to the care and feeding of that progress to keep ourselves moving forward.  Voting is our number one duty, but following our elected representatives as they vote on important issues, writing and calling them to let them know where we stand and how we wish them to act, is also critically important.  

Remember this, no election is unimportant and every vote your elected representatives take once in office is just as important as yours on election day.  Prepare yourself for what you can do - read, listen, write, call, attend town halls, join a political club, donate to the candidates who most closely represent what you want, and vote.  Get to the polls to vote or fill out an absentee ballot.  Get your friends to do the same.  Put up yard signs, get a bumper sticker, volunteer to phone bank or write postcards for your candidate.  Get out and knock on a few doors.  Whatever you do, don't sit by yourself and lose hope.  The future is ours, we just need to demand it back.